Alma Led Me Here

“The soul may be trusted to the end.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

First Essays: Love

She didn’t tell me when I’d fall in love.

Alma, my soul’s asomatous guide, didn’t tell me that when I did, I’d feel as if struck by lightning, and that every romantic experience I had thus far encountered would be put to shame. She didn’t tell me anything.

I understood that she possessed a transcendental discernment that I would never know, but I resisted her pleads for my trust all the same. I didn’t believe in soul mates, and she all but gave up convincing me otherwise. Soul mates existed, she countered; beneath all the collected, clichéd goop there existed a bedrock of truth.

And so throughout my younger years I longed for a man I could love and tolerate, while Alma impatiently awaited her male counterpart. That’s how it worked, she said – each individual soul was not a fraction of another, but rather the male or female complement. I received many scoldings from her for even thinking about settling before she reunited with her mate. Saying things like that practically forced me into skepticism. What did she really expect?

I should have relied on her more. Wiser than I gave her credit for, she was guided by something I could neither see nor understand, and she tugged me away from the wreckages of relationships before they became unmitigated catastrophes through ill-formed foundations of commitment. I thought I knew what I was doing, but she knew better.

I was stubborn; if my affections were a ship, I was white-knuckling the handles of the wheel on one side, and she the other. Eventually I was taxed beyond my means, and when I fell to the deck in exhaustion, Alma took command of the vessel with unfettered gusto. Finally serving as captain for the first time, she steered us right into the heart of New York City. She didn’t tell me we were close to her counterpart there, but she accepted my apologies without judgement as I genuflected before her, relinquishing any and all authority over my affections. The consequences of my poor relational decisions previous rendered me weary; she could call the shots from then on. All I needed was for her to tell me where to be and when.

Eastern Psychological Association Conference, New York City - March 4^th, 2016

No memos appeared in my dreams, no ethereal hints prodded me on. Alma didn’t tell me that with one look I would know. With one look, I would recognize a man whom I had never met. With one look, I would feel the heart of the universe beating inside me.

Marbled eyes of orange-flecked green met mine and Alma wept in the long-awaited embrace of her mate. Burrowed deep in the plush hallways of a hotel conference room, lightning struck me in the form of a man named Joseph.

Alma prepared me for none of it. She didn’t tell me I’d fall in love with the way he said psychology. She didn’t tell me he was a man of deep faith, words, and intellect. She forgot to mention the profound attraction I would feel toward him in every conceivable realm of life. I trusted Alma with my soul, and what did she give me in return?

A man beyond dreams, ideals, and expectations – a man crafted by divine hands to be my match. A man suited for me beyond perfection itself. The male permutation of my own soul.

Alma led me here. 

---

I'm posting this here to commemorate my engagement to the subject of this piece. I wrote this on May 2, 2016 - almost six months ago. Like I said in Addressing Skepticism, when you know, you just know. 

Have a drink for us. We are blessed beyond belief to begin this new, exciting chapter of our lives together!

V

Addressing Skepticism

     My most recent relationship status has caused quite a buzz. Mostly excited and supportive responses thankfully, but I know there are skeptics among you. I do not blame you for this as a reaction. From the outside looking in, I believe it is warranted. Therefore I decided to give a brief window into what it’s like from the inside looking out. Allow me to jump right in.
     Let me make something clear from the outset: we don’t “complete” each other; it’s insulting to the other person to claim that until now, me without him or him without me we were incomplete, unfinished and the only way to be complete is to invite each other into our lives in an intimate way. That’s silly. The idea of “soul mates” is far from a biblical concept – it’s a romantically pressured one perpetuated by society. To all you single guys and gals, I’m sorry – it’s an impossible standard to achieve, and one many believe in.
     While we don’t endorse the soul mate concept, we do have our ways of describing the rapid depth of our connection. So far the best (and still unworthy) explanation I’ve conjured up is that he and I have recognized pieces of our own souls in each other; we have discovered a divine similarity between us. Personally I think Joseph portrayed it best when he said, “We are almost analogous to male and female permutations of the same soul.”
     These claims have provided the vehicle for us to transcend time itself. This experience has been incomparably ethereal. Between meeting Joseph on the 4th of March and my day trip to Baltimore to see him about a week later felt like a lifetime. It has been three weeks since we met, and from then till now has also felt a lifetime long. We have compacted a larger span of time into a smaller temporal container. Time is, like many things, relative. Our three weeks are nowhere near the same as yours. We understand each other on a level that has never existed before due to its impossibility.
     We transcended time, and continue to. I have never thought so clear or felt my mind so broad and challenged by anything, let alone a single individual. It may seem as if we’ve hurried into things, but there has been absolutely no rush. From the outside looking in, the pace is breakneck, but that’s the nature of our organic timeline. It’s like in algebra – when you know all the rules of the equation you solve it quickly, almost automatically, especially compared to when you were first getting acquainted with how every variable fit together. We’ve learned the rules, and this is the product of our combined equations.
     When I was younger and beginning to grasp the gravity of finding God's best for me, I often asked my parents to describe how it felt for them to get to know each other, and when they decided that they wanted to be together forever. This is a common question with an indescribable answer, and the common clichéd and useless-at-the-time response is typically, “you just know. When you find the right person, you just know it,” or “you feel as if on top of the world!” Being the way that I am, this always frustrated me; I wanted a checklist, or a litmus test or something. Rules to rely on. This feeling of “just knowing” seemed improbable and impossible. What if I didn't realize it? What if I somehow missed it? It all became complicated and worrisome. I was incredibly skeptical of it.
     Until now.
     Now I understand completely what they meant. Because I feel it. The indescribable feeling is in me. I “just know.”
     And I am so achingly certain of it that I would stake my life on it.
     It’s insane, I know. But having previous romantic pursuits to compare to throws this in stark contrast when placed next to all the others. It has far surpassed even the wildest expectations I could imagine.
     Neither of us went to EPA intending to meet anyone in this way, and yet here we are. We were not searching, and yet we found. We are swaddled in God’s divinity, cradled in His palms, and I have never been so certain of something in my life. (Yes, it even rivals my certainty concerning my passions for creative writing.)
     I wrote in my post from 2013 “Infernal Love Triangle Devices” that I was confident when God brought my future husband into the picture, the man He had hand-selected for me, I would know it. To quote the post exactly, “…I’m very particular about the qualities and lifestyle choices of the man I will marry in the future. … I, someone who always tries to have the lowest of expectations, am expecting a lot of the man for me. This makes it very easy for me to believe that once I find him, it won’t be long before I know he’s the one. God knows what I’m looking for and what I need, so once I’ve recognized all that, it will be obvious.” Such confidence!
     I know my expectations, standards, and requirements were tricky for any one mortal to score high on altogether. But I had finally seriously entrusted the worry about my future husband to God, surrendering the last thread I was white-knuckling. It did not need to be my responsibility to hunt for this man. If I truly believed all things were possible, God would have me covered. Obedience and trust were the only things expected of me. So I relinquished my human need to control, folded my hands in my lap, and made peace about waiting patiently for God to move. I had done my part, and He would certainly do His.
     The fruits were almost instant. God is faithful, y’all. His promises are far from empty.
     Earlier in the week leading up to EPA I did a lot of praying and ultimately let go of this obsession with stepping in front of God and arranging my future as if I knew better than him. (I don’t deserve his unflinching forgiveness.) Then, mere days later, enter Lightning Boy (aka Joseph). Unbelievable.
     I’ve always been skeptical of “just knowing.” Now I truly understand. It’s the closest thing to enlightenment, to Heaven, on this side of death.

Welcome to 2016 - A Year of Improvements

(Post pulled from group blog: StalkerSubtext)
     Just as the title says, Happy New Year! 2015 was definitely a year of learning, humility, and listening above everything else, which is to be expected. I began doing my own research in the Psych department at school, went to two marvelous concerts, celebrated my 21st birthday, did a ton of visiting with my immediate and extended family, finished my third year at college out of four, celebrated my Grandpa’s 75th birthday, broke off a relationship that was doing more harm than good (one of the best decisions of my life, let alone my year), started a workout routine, and made some priceless, awesome friendships. Overall, it’s been a wonderful year, and I have learned from all of these things how to best approach 2016.
     I know the bottom line for every year is going to be that I am blessed beyond measure. I’m in good health, have breath in my lungs, and am loved by numerous people. Can’t get much better than that.
     However, I know for a fact that I can actively take part in my own life and make it even better. How, you ask? Well, first of all I’m avoiding any New Years Resolutions - they’re usually cold turkey, drastic, or a 180 degrees turn around and therefore incredibly difficult to maintain. The amount of instant self-discipline and motivation needed generally doesn’t match up to how much one is willing to put forth for very long. My personal goals for 2016 are to keep up the routine I’ve been maintaining hardcore since the end of September, which entails lifting weights 3 times a week, eating healthy (no coffee, much less sugars, less dairy, more veggies and red meats, and no processed junk if I can help it), doing Lumosity and Duolingo (in Spanish) every day, and reading the bible and journaling every morning. Seems like a lot to keep up, especially when adding my final semester in college into the equation, but I already know I’ve maintained all but one of these things during this past semester, which was easily much harder than the one I’m about to begin. It’s feasible for sure.
     One new thing I’m planning to introduce to 2016 is something called the Praise Jar. Every day I will write down something I’m thankful for, or something I’ve been praying for, and drop it into this jar. The point of this is to accurately reminisce about 2016 on New Years Eve and see what all I was thankful for, and possibly what all prayers got answered. It’s just a fun thing to put into perspective the power of positive thinking and how the year really went. I decided to use paint swatches from Lowe’s as the cards I write on to give the jar color as I go.

     Needless to say I am ridiculously excited for 2016. My final semester in college will be the best so far, without a doubt. I’ve got an awesome group of friends, sweet possibilities for the future, and a very healthy relationship prospect.      Cheers, my friends. Remember that getting out of bed every day is a victory in itself and that you are never alone. Godspeed, and let’s make this the best damn year yet!
     V

Dear Future Husband

(à la Robert Morgan, Dark Energy) 

Love me like Jesus loves the church.

Affirm your commitment with words;

songs or poems or handwritten

letters. Buy me office supplies:

pens and notebooks and notes that stick.

Curl my belly with your witty

morbidity, and don’t forget

to let the dog in at night. Live

with passionate ambition, tell

me every tiny detail while

I whip up two mugs of fresh brewed

tea. Be a reader, sponsor my

love of language. Activate your

soul’s depth with exercise; please join

my yoga sessions later in

the morning. Don’t make a habit

of spitting, and pay attention

to the sidewalk under your boots,

the drumming patterns of raindrops.

Remember to treasure me all

of our lives, for someday, darling,

when dim stars edge the ebbing blush,

I will return to ash and dust.

Vicki's Guide to Taking Better Selfies

Vicki’s Guide to Taking Better Selfies

            So you wanna take good selfies, eh? Well you’ve come to the right place. Within this post you will find tips and tricks that I regularly follow when taking my own selfies. Some may be new, others may be obvious; regardless, I feel some guidelines need to be thrown down about this. Selfies have exploded as a medium of expression on the Internet without requiring a professional photoshoot or even another human being to snap the picture. Front-facing cameras on our phones and mirrors in our bedrooms make it incredibly easy to take pictures of ourselves. The following six tips are here to guide you on your personal selfie journey (with creepy/goofy photos of my own to assist comprehension). Shall we begin?
            *Note: clicking on the pictures will make them bigger! I don't know why you'd want to do that, but just so you know.

1.    Good Lighting

X  ~  Too much front light = bad. Your face gets washed out and it looks flat. Or you could be like me, and look like you have no mouth.

X  ~  Too much back light = also bad. There’s an excess of shadows and no feature definition. And you just can't see your face.

O  ~  You want just enough side light to highlight and define your features. Find the angle that works for you

2.    Snap Angle is Key

X   ~  No emo MySpace angled photos. Quit.

X   ~  Want followers to play “how many chins do you have?” Stop.

O   ~  You may find another angle that works better for you, but I prefer to hold the camera at eyelevel and tilt and angle my head accordingly. Either that, or slightly elevating the camera also works, but don’t go too crazy (refer to the first bullet point). Angled more from the above tends to create a slimming effect.

3.    Look At Me When I’m Talking to You

X  ~  Don’t look at the screen of your phone where your face is. This close of a picture makes it obvious you're not looking at the camera.

X  ~  Also don't look at yourself in the mirror.

O  ~  Whether taking a picture with the front or back camera on your phone, look directly into the lens. This creates the effect that you’re looking at the person viewing your photo later, and creates more of a connection.*

*If you’re deliberately trying to look away and that’s the aim of the photo, that’s fine – totally acceptable. Just don’t look at your phone screen.

4.    Face Muscles

X  ~  Now that we’ve talked about eyes, let’s cover the rest of the face. The expression you make is up to you, and of course it’s okay to be goofy if that’s your aim. But NO DUCKFACE EVER. Go hangout at the duck pond where you belong if you’re going to do that crap.

O  ~  Whatever you decide to do, be relaxed, and as natural as possible. Obviously different expressions will vary with this one; just don’t force it too much.

5.    Background

X  ~  Before taking a selfie, consider your surroundings. Is your bedroom dirty? Are there toilets reflected in the mirror? Bras and/or underwear hanging off gaping dresser drawers? All of these things are terribly distracting, as well as way too much information.

                                             Don't be that person.

O  ~  If your face/body don’t take up most of the framed shot, either clean up your room first or choose a better background. Something as neutral and uncluttered as possible is ideal, because, after all, we want to see you, not the mound of laundry you have yet to tackle.

6.    Censorship

X  ~  Lastly, be wise about the types of photos you post on the Internet. Suggestive and/or vulgar pics have no place on the world wide web, for it is a vast, highly accessible place.

O  ~  Be classy, guys and gals. When taking a selfie, think of why you’re taking it and all of the people who might see it (whether you know it or not). Please be wise in dividing public and private affairs. There’s no real need to “show off” cleavage, tummies, or muscles to the public like that. Showing more skin may get you more likes on Facebook, but that should not be your primary source of measuring your self-worth. You’re a beautiful human, and as God’s creation you need not rate yourself on likes or comments. You belong to Him – you’ll find no greater source of self-worth than that.

Just a couple last comments: Keep in mind that vanity is not attractive. Keep the selfies posted to the Internet to a minimum.

And, as always, there tend to be exceptions to every rule. Use these tips as guidelines and figure out what works for you. Be creative!

Now go take a great selfie!