Hesitations

It has been two and a half weeks since I dropped down into the veins of Milan’s streets and I keep thinking that instead of sitting in my apartment reading or otherwise relaxing, especially on beautiful sunny days such as these, I should be outside adventuring. Traveling within my travels, so to speak. I scold myself, saying that this is a huge opportunity to seize and explore this foreign land, and my own existence. But then I realize that during my time in Roanoke, for nearly two years, I haven’t gone to the Star (which is an icon for Roanoke, or so I’m told), or The Home Place, which is a well-known diner for the area that apparently serves some of the most delicious food around. I haven’t neglected to experience these things based on choice - largely I would say it’s simply due to my nature. I like to be adventurous, sure, but on the whole I’m a very tranquil soul and like to spend my time in places that are familiar to me. Also it’s probably due to my way of prioritizing things; if it’s not important and on my way to anywhere I need to go, then I don’t need to waste my gas going there. Because exploring, my friends, costs money these days.

Another thing I have realized is my hesitation on going out to a local restaurant here and trying the food. I have yet to be invited out, or to simply go out with some friends from the international student body (which is, suffice to say, tiny - even by Roanoke’s standards) in order to observe how they do things and where they go first. I would like to be informed of the customs of eating out here before I give it a go myself. (For example, a friend I’ve had a couple brief chats with told me that when you order a pizza, you commit to it – it’s seen as an insult to leave any of it behind.) As I mentioned in an earlier post, I learn best by observation - either that, or asking an exorbitant amount of detailed questions. So, seeing as I don’t speak the language (which falls entirely on me, don’t let me convince you otherwise), the latter is not possible. Sooner or later I will get the chance to go out with my roommate or some friends, it just hasn’t happened yet. (Remember, tranquil soul? That also melds with my introverted nature. I will make friends in due time. It’s just a little slower for me than others.)

In my defense as well, even back home, where I spoke the language just fine and knew the culture and customs like the involuntary systems of my body, I did not particularly like going places I hadn’t before, at least when I was by myself. Heck, I am absolutely terrified of speaking to people in my native tongue on the phone that I am not in regular contact with. I hate making appointments and ordering food through the phone. (Just ask my mother - it takes me several minutes to gear up to a phone call that will last a minuscule fraction of the time I spent preparing, and I still feel like a inept idiot after I've hung up.) Therefore it should not come as a surprise to me when I feel the most comfortable sitting on my bed with the window open to the peaceful side-street my apartment clings to, reading or simply lying here, thinking. 

I have to remember, too, that during my time here I have been pushed to the edge – and beyond – of my limits, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Some are ongoing battles I knew I would be engaging in here long before I ever set foot on my plane; others I have fought and emerged the victor. I have to remind myself that I have been branching out since day one, and though some of those things are common tasks now (i.e. powering through the metro to get to and from class every day; frequenting the store down the street), they are improvements in my little bubble of being. Experiences. Adventures. They may not be quite the Indiana Jones type, but they certainly are adventures to me.

Anyway, as it stands, it’s only been barely three weeks - I still have nearly three months left. There’s no need for me to hurry through all the adventures in the beginning just to check them off a list and be satisfied with that. I will warm to the ideas and possibilities (there’s no way I’m leaving the country without at least seeing Venice, maybe Florence), but it will take some time. Perhaps that makes me a strange breed – but believe me, I don’t mind that at all.

Buona sera, my friends!

With love,

V