Heya,
Okay, so I made it to my destination in one piece with all bags of luggage in tact and together. Breathing a sigh of relief at...3:35 AM, I shall fall asleep, hopefully for a good few hours. Summer vacation has officially started.
Goodnight world,
Peru, it's weird to say but...I kinda miss you already.
Love!
~Vicki
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Summer
Hey guys,
So I just really realized that I'm going back to the United States for 7 weeks in less than five days. Whoa. Wow. Goodness. I am excited, but I feel like it's come up almost too fast on me. I really just started taking root here in Peru and actually liking it (took a good year and a half, but hey! Better late than never, right?) Sigh, but anyway, I'm super excited for the Young Writers Workshop in July. Three whole weeks of writing intensive studies with published and professional writers. You betcha I'm thrilled. During those three weeks there will be zip blog posts from me, because I'm assuming I won't get internet. I'm only allowed to receive letters in the mail and 5 minute phone calls.
On a different note...I'm on a Snow Patrol kick now. Chasing Cars and Open Your Eyes are constantly driving people around me mad because of how often I play them through my speakers. I really like the whole album "Eyes Open," but those are just my two favorite songs.
Anyway...it's late. I really should be in bed. Like, now. Not because I have curfew, but because I need my sleep. And I like to get up early, buuuuuuut...I've failed miserably at that lately.
Have a blessed day/night, or whatever it is wherever you are! (:
~Vicki
So I just really realized that I'm going back to the United States for 7 weeks in less than five days. Whoa. Wow. Goodness. I am excited, but I feel like it's come up almost too fast on me. I really just started taking root here in Peru and actually liking it (took a good year and a half, but hey! Better late than never, right?) Sigh, but anyway, I'm super excited for the Young Writers Workshop in July. Three whole weeks of writing intensive studies with published and professional writers. You betcha I'm thrilled. During those three weeks there will be zip blog posts from me, because I'm assuming I won't get internet. I'm only allowed to receive letters in the mail and 5 minute phone calls.
On a different note...I'm on a Snow Patrol kick now. Chasing Cars and Open Your Eyes are constantly driving people around me mad because of how often I play them through my speakers. I really like the whole album "Eyes Open," but those are just my two favorite songs.
Anyway...it's late. I really should be in bed. Like, now. Not because I have curfew, but because I need my sleep. And I like to get up early, buuuuuuut...I've failed miserably at that lately.
Have a blessed day/night, or whatever it is wherever you are! (:
~Vicki
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Comfort Zone
Hey-hello,
Okay, this is still incredibly rough so don't start cramming critiques down my throat yet...please. That sounds really painful. Anyway, this is about Comfort Zones, and here in Peru, I see people deal with this irritating hold-you-back-more-than-anything bubble daily. So, I decided to think over the idea of a Comfort Zone with Jesus thrown in the mix, and viola! This is what transpired. Hope you enjoy!
~Vicki
--------------
She blinked her eyes curiously at the room she was standing in; every surface bleached a bright white. She couldn’t tell where the walls ended and the ceiling began or the floors touched the corners of the walls or even how far the room went. The source of intense light was nowhere to be seen. Looking down at her yellow chuck-taylored feet she observed that she was standing in the middle of a thick black ring.
“Confused?”
Spinning to her left, she was startled to find another person in the room with her, standing outside of her circle. He was a good height, not too tall but not short. Long brown hair was draped neatly down to his shoulders with a beard running the length of his jaw and around his smiling lips. There was a white cloth wrapped around his body that hung down to his bare feet fastened by a rope encircling his waist.
She nodded slowly, taking in his sudden appearance before her and still recovering from the shock of it. “Curious too.” He stated, beginning to walk around the outside of the circle with his hands folded in front of him. “What does this mean, Lord?” She asked him, feeling a tad overwhelmed but at the same time foolish. He grinned, stopping in front of her. “This,” He gestured to the ring she was standing in. “Is your comfort zone.”
She thought for a moment.
“My comfort zone?” She echoed, cocking her head to the side in question. He nodded and stepped close to the ring, his bare feet leaving no evidence on the floor as to where he had been previously. “I’ve come to help you with it.”
She had no clue what he meant by that.
“Erm, Lord, I’m sorry, but I don’t follow what you’re saying.”
He chuckled lightly and clapped his hands together. “You will soon enough.”
He took a few more steps around the circle and she wondered why he wouldn’t step over the black curve. She decided to timidly voice her thoughts. “Jesus…if I may call you that...” He nodded in response and motioned for her to continue. “Why won't you step over the ring? I mean, you don’t have to, I’m just wondering-” He stopped her with a gentle hand held in the air.
“I know – you're curious. I was patiently waiting for you to ask me that exact question, Samantha.” She was startled by the fact that he knew her name, then felt like an idiot for even thinking he didn’t.
He is Jesus, after all.
“I cannot step into this circle or make it disappear; only you can walk over the line. It is your decision and your decision only whether you push yourself to cross the line.”
She processed this, turning it over in her head.
“So,” She began, choosing her words carefully. “The only way for me to really find you is if…I step over the line? Er, out of my comfort zone?” He nodded, a friendly smile still upon his lips.
She stood, smack dab in the middle of the unfilled circle, thinking. “But…I know getting out of my comfort zone isn’t as easy as stepping over a line.” She thought aloud, curious for what he would say next.
“Aha, you're a smart girl Samantha; you are correct. In getting out of your comfort bubble you turn over all control to me and depend on me. You take your hands off the wheel and let me take control; you surrender it so that I can do things through you.”
Her heart sank. She was a control freak by nature, an avid planner and task manager. Not to mention she had a bad case of OCD. “Lord…how can I do all that? It sounds so difficult. I don’t know if I can.” A frown furrowed her brow and bent her lips down at the corners.
“With faith the size of a mustard seed, you can do it, Sam.” He spoke gently to her, his voice tender.
She closed her eyes and thought long and hard, pondering and pouring over what she should do and how in the world she would do it. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...” and Isaiah 43:5 says “Do not be afraid, for I am with you…” Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” So, if I just trust in Him, I’ll be okay…
“What is your decision?” He asked, like he knew she had finished her thoughts.
She smiled as he reached out his hand, already knowing the answer she had in her mind. “Come, child. You have much to learn and I am eager to teach you.”
Walking to the edge of the circle, she picked up one foot and placed it on the other side, half expecting a great display of fireworks to begin shooting off around her. She began to feel an air of childishness surround her as she stepped out of her confining comfort bubble, but it was a good feeling, one somewhat humbling.
Her hand touched his.
The room was empty.
Okay, this is still incredibly rough so don't start cramming critiques down my throat yet...please. That sounds really painful. Anyway, this is about Comfort Zones, and here in Peru, I see people deal with this irritating hold-you-back-more-than-anything bubble daily. So, I decided to think over the idea of a Comfort Zone with Jesus thrown in the mix, and viola! This is what transpired. Hope you enjoy!
~Vicki
--------------
She blinked her eyes curiously at the room she was standing in; every surface bleached a bright white. She couldn’t tell where the walls ended and the ceiling began or the floors touched the corners of the walls or even how far the room went. The source of intense light was nowhere to be seen. Looking down at her yellow chuck-taylored feet she observed that she was standing in the middle of a thick black ring.
“Confused?”
Spinning to her left, she was startled to find another person in the room with her, standing outside of her circle. He was a good height, not too tall but not short. Long brown hair was draped neatly down to his shoulders with a beard running the length of his jaw and around his smiling lips. There was a white cloth wrapped around his body that hung down to his bare feet fastened by a rope encircling his waist.
She nodded slowly, taking in his sudden appearance before her and still recovering from the shock of it. “Curious too.” He stated, beginning to walk around the outside of the circle with his hands folded in front of him. “What does this mean, Lord?” She asked him, feeling a tad overwhelmed but at the same time foolish. He grinned, stopping in front of her. “This,” He gestured to the ring she was standing in. “Is your comfort zone.”
She thought for a moment.
“My comfort zone?” She echoed, cocking her head to the side in question. He nodded and stepped close to the ring, his bare feet leaving no evidence on the floor as to where he had been previously. “I’ve come to help you with it.”
She had no clue what he meant by that.
“Erm, Lord, I’m sorry, but I don’t follow what you’re saying.”
He chuckled lightly and clapped his hands together. “You will soon enough.”
He took a few more steps around the circle and she wondered why he wouldn’t step over the black curve. She decided to timidly voice her thoughts. “Jesus…if I may call you that...” He nodded in response and motioned for her to continue. “Why won't you step over the ring? I mean, you don’t have to, I’m just wondering-” He stopped her with a gentle hand held in the air.
“I know – you're curious. I was patiently waiting for you to ask me that exact question, Samantha.” She was startled by the fact that he knew her name, then felt like an idiot for even thinking he didn’t.
He is Jesus, after all.
“I cannot step into this circle or make it disappear; only you can walk over the line. It is your decision and your decision only whether you push yourself to cross the line.”
She processed this, turning it over in her head.
“So,” She began, choosing her words carefully. “The only way for me to really find you is if…I step over the line? Er, out of my comfort zone?” He nodded, a friendly smile still upon his lips.
She stood, smack dab in the middle of the unfilled circle, thinking. “But…I know getting out of my comfort zone isn’t as easy as stepping over a line.” She thought aloud, curious for what he would say next.
“Aha, you're a smart girl Samantha; you are correct. In getting out of your comfort bubble you turn over all control to me and depend on me. You take your hands off the wheel and let me take control; you surrender it so that I can do things through you.”
Her heart sank. She was a control freak by nature, an avid planner and task manager. Not to mention she had a bad case of OCD. “Lord…how can I do all that? It sounds so difficult. I don’t know if I can.” A frown furrowed her brow and bent her lips down at the corners.
“With faith the size of a mustard seed, you can do it, Sam.” He spoke gently to her, his voice tender.
She closed her eyes and thought long and hard, pondering and pouring over what she should do and how in the world she would do it. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...” and Isaiah 43:5 says “Do not be afraid, for I am with you…” Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” So, if I just trust in Him, I’ll be okay…
“What is your decision?” He asked, like he knew she had finished her thoughts.
She smiled as he reached out his hand, already knowing the answer she had in her mind. “Come, child. You have much to learn and I am eager to teach you.”
Walking to the edge of the circle, she picked up one foot and placed it on the other side, half expecting a great display of fireworks to begin shooting off around her. She began to feel an air of childishness surround her as she stepped out of her confining comfort bubble, but it was a good feeling, one somewhat humbling.
Her hand touched his.
The room was empty.
Friday, June 18, 2010
In Over Your Head
The two bikini clad girls giggled as they hopped down the carpeted stairs, beach towels and goggles clutched in their fingers. “Daddy, we’re gonna go swim in the lake, okay?” Susie called, swinging herself around the banister at the bottom of the staircase. Violet and Susie walked past the living room doorway, Susie’s Dad sitting comfortably in a recliner, newspaper in hand. “Be careful, you two.” He ordered despite the hint of a smile on his face. He knew they were both excellent swimmers, but as a parent, he was obligated to say it. “Aiden, why don’t you go read out on the dock so you can keep an eye on them.” He hooked a thumb in the direction of the screen door that lead out to the short backyard, sloping subtly down to the rocky shore of the lake.
Aiden groaned, but a stern look from his father made him get off the couch and slump towards the door after the girls. “Why, Dad, they know how to swim well enough.” He grumbled, not expecting a response. He knew arguing was useless.
Violet and Susie had already laid out their towels under the sun, slipping off their colorful flip flops and testing the water with their big toes. “Oooh, it’s a bit chilly today!” Susie exclaimed, shivering for effect. Violet rolled her eyes, smiling. “Psh, it is not! You’re just a big wuss.” Susie crossed her arms, a challenging grin creeping across her lips. “Oh yeah? I dare you to jump in first, then, Miss The-water-isn’t-cold.”
“Fine, I will.” Violet accepted her dare, slowly sliding her arms out of the cover-up sundress she was wearing. The firey hues contrasted with the deep blues and greens of her suit, the pair covering all colors of the rainbow. She took her time tying up her long black hair into a tight ponytail atop her head, laughing when Susie began to tap her foot against the dark wood of the dock. “You're stalling!” She accused, lunging forward.
Violet evaded her attack by jumping sideways, hoping that Susie lost her balance and tumbled into the water, but she wasn’t that fortunate. They mirrored each other, standing at the edge of the dock facing the shadowy water, waiting with mischievous smiles for the other to strike first.
Out of the corner of her eye, Violet saw Aiden approaching them, ambling over to the bench on the dock with a thick book clutched in his hand. Curiosity flitted shortly across his face when he took in the girls’ stances, but soon left, his expression turning unreadable. “I’m surprised you two aren’t already racing each other across the lake.” He commented, his heavy footfalls thumping hollowly on the surface of the wooden platform.
“Yeah, well, we’re trying to settle something first. It’s none of your business anyway. Butt out.” Susie retorted meanly, just the way a little sister might. He just shrugged, uninterested, and made his way over to the cushioned bench.
Violet’s gaze had shifted from Susie over to Aiden and Susie used this distraction to her advantage. She pounced forwards, arms stretched out in front; the perfect position to push someone. Violet was lucky to have her quick reflexes, and, to Susie’s dismay, dodged at the last second. “You can't catch me!” She yelled giddily, leaping to the other side of the dock around Susie.
Susie growled, despite the smile on her face, and threw herself at Violet again. She missed, for the third time. Violet stuck her tongue out, mocking Susie and laughing at her expression of frustration. “That’s it!” Susie declared, pointing a long nailed finger at Violet. “You're going into this lake!”
Susie and Violet both screamed simultaneously, falling into the water with confused expressions bending their brows. Susie hadn’t pushed Violet and Violet hadn’t even touched Susie. When they surfaced, Violet knew exactly who did it.
“AIDEN!” Susie shrieked, making a flock of crows in a nearby evergreen caw and fly away. He looked over the top of his book, lounging on the bench like he’d been there the whole time. His eyebrows rose at her. “What?” He asked innocently, a smile threatening to break out. His lips quirked at the corners as he tried to hold it back.
“You pushed us in! I know it was you! Don’t play dumb with me!” She fumed, climbing up the rust incrusted ladder screwed to the platform to stick a wet finger in his face. “Hey, water is a book’s enemy.” He said, slapping it closed and holding it away from her dripping body. Violet had to laugh at the absurdity of his expression against Susie’s fury, how it seemed to glance off of him.
She regretted it instantly when Susie rounded on her, turning all her anger towards her and piercing holes in her face with the intensity of her stare. Violet held her hands up in surrender. “Hey, calm down, Suz. He just pushed us in. We wanted to go swimming after all, don’t get all fired up about it.”
It only took one step and a good shove and Violet was in the chilly water once again.
Susie yelled, frustrated, hands balled into fists at her sides. “I cannot believe you!” She huffed, turning her back to him. Violet surfaced, taking in air and wiping wet strands back from her face. “C'mon Suz, ignore him. Let’s race.” She suggested, gesturing with her arm for Susie to get back into the water. Reluctantly she slipped back in, disturbing the liquid with her body.
The water rippled restlessly around them as they swam between the parallel shores. The second time they got to the other side they stopped for a rest and stretched out on a floating platform, letting the sun dry their dripping skin.
“Don’t mind Aiden,” Violet murmured, knowing Susie was still thinking about what happened earlier. “He’s just being your big brother. He aims to make you mad and enjoys your anger and frustration. You remember him smiling up at you, right? He didn’t care; he was happy that he made you mad. He thrives off of that.” Suz just made a grunting noise indicating that she had been listening.
“But you don’t have any older siblings who’re like him. He’s a big idiot.” Susie sighed heavily, rolling over onto her elbow to face Violet more directly. “Do you really think that’s what he wants when he makes me mad?” She pondered aloud, her eyes darting all around in her head in thought.
Violet nodded and closed her eyes, reveling in the warm blanket the suns beams cast down on her. Susie hummed in thought, rolling onto her back and copying Violet. Violet turned her head to the side and watched Aiden flip pages on the opposite dock. His dusky brown hair was short and messy; it hung down low enough to cover some of his forehead but not shadow his blue eyes. The black shirt he wore hung loosely on his frame, but pulled tight in just the right places and his jeans were dark-wash, faded and gray. There was a hole at the left knee, the darkened edges fraying into white.
“Earth to Vi.” Susie jabbed at her shoulder and Violet blinked over at her. “What’re you staring at?” She demanded, her eyes following the trail of where Violet’s had just been. Her lips curved into an excited O and Violet braced herself for what she was about to say.
She gasped dramatically for starters. “You like him!” She half yelled half whispered. Violet rolled her eyes and groaned, turning away from Susie. She squealed. “I should’ve thought of that before! Ooooh, you would look so cute together! And then, if you get married, you’ll be, like, legally my sister!” She leapt up to her feet and grabbed Violet’s hand, tugging her none-too-gently onto her own.
“We must tell him the great news!” Susie smiled gleefully. “Hey-!” She started, waving her arm in a huge arc to get Aiden’s attention. Violet slapped a hand over her mouth and jumped off the platform, plunging them both into the lake. “Are you nuts?!” Violet hissed once their heads were above water. “We don’t even know if he likes me back!” “Well then, let’s find out!” Suz replied simply, oblivious to Violet’s anxiety.
“No, Suz wait! Please, let’s talk about this! I don’t know what he’s even like!” She begged, swimming alongside Susie. She giggled in response. “He’s smart, he reads a lot, he’s not a pervert, and he loves taking walks, he’s perfect for you!” Violet groaned, knowing at this point that Susie wouldn’t stop. Nothing Violet could say would prevent Suz from marching up to Aiden and telling him she likes him.
“Please, Susie. What if he rejects me? It’ll be your fault, you know.” She pleaded again feebly, without any real intention to win the debate. Susie just snorted, amused. “He won't; you're too pretty to turn down.” Violet was so surprised by that comment that she stopped in mid-kick.
Quickly regaining herself, she paddled up next to Susie. They were halfway to the dock; maybe if she pretended to drown, but acted real enough, Susie would totally forget about this whole thing? That might work, she thought. Violet could, at times, be a great actress.
Before she could begin her act, however, Susie was pulled under.
Something appeared to grab her ankles and yank her underneath the water; it closed in rapidly over her disappearing head. “OhmyGod - Susie!” Violet shrieked in shock and horror, taking a deep breath before diving down into the murky water. To her frustration, she could only see a foot or two in front of her face through the shadowy green lake.
She rushed to the surface, gulping in air before throwing herself back into the depths of the lake. She quickly glimpsed the dock before she went under and saw that Aiden had stood up from his seat, looking out towards Violet. She scissored her legs as fast as she could, propelling herself downwards with her arms. Squinting her eyes open, her cheeks bubbled and she knew she was running out of air quickly.
“Damn it!” She cursed loudly when she got back above water, treading it and huffing. She felt light headed and knew, with a sinking heart, that she wouldn’t be able to go under again for a few minutes at least. And at that point, it would be too late.
Aiden dove in, swimming swiftly over to her. “Where’s Susie?” He asked in a hurried tone, bordering the edge of worry. Violet shook her head, eyes squeezed closed. Tears burned behind her lids, threatening to push past the barrier when she thought of Susie’s scared face being suffocated by water.
Aiden dove under, leaving Violet to tread alone on the surface. His body faded with every kick he took, searching for any sign of Susie until she couldn’t see his feet through the dull, mucky water.
He returned a minute or so later, shaking his own head in despair. Tears filled her eyes at the action, making his sister’s death true. This was reality.
She desperately wanted to reject reality.
“S-Susie…” She mumbled between pants, trying to regain her breath. Tears burned hotly in her eyes in great contrast to the chilly water she treaded.
“We need to get back to shore. Something pulled her down and I’m sure it won’t mind two more humans, whatever it was.” He told her as he grabbed her upper arm to help steer her in the right direction.
Just as he let go, she shot under the water with a gasp. Aiden submerged as quickly as he could, pumping his legs and arms against the water. He ground his teeth together, squinting his eyes as they darted around, determined not to lose her. Her pale hand waved in front of him and he grabbed at it frantically, clutching it with an iron grip and tugging without restraint. She came up toward him but the thing that had her ankles yanked her down deeper.
Her floating face looked lifeless already, eyes closed and lips parted, but he was resolute on keeping her alive. He already lost his sister and he wouldn’t let anyone else die, not when it was in his power to save them.
He gripped her limp wrist firmly in both of his hands and heaved with all the strength that he could, her body coming towards him again. He pulled back his leg and threw it forward into the thing that was trying to drown her, his foot connecting effectively. Her ankles slipped out of its loosened grasp and he hauled her to the surface, his oxygen level depleting dangerously fast.
He wove his arm underneath hers across the top of her stomach, her back on his front, and he crushed her body to his to keep her lolling head above the water. He felt exhaustion settle in his limbs, but he wouldn’t stop until he got to the dock. That thing was pissed and he knew, in his state, they would both go down without a trace if it came back for them.
As he neared the wooden platform he hurled her up onto it before climbing out via the ladder and stumbling over his weary feet. He fell to his knees, his energy spent and chest heaving. Air in his lungs never felt so good.
His eyelids were suddenly like lead, but he held them open against his will. Before he could let torpor take him over the edge of sleep he had to make sure that Violet was still alive and breathing. He put two fingers to her jugular and felt a subtle pulse. That was all he needed.
Putting his ear by her mouth, he noticed she wasn’t breathing. “CPR.” He rasped, leaning over her body to press his hands on her heart. He pushed again and again, stopping to put his mouth to hers and clamp her nose shut. Pumping his hands against her chest again several more times, he began to lose hope. He pressed his mouth to hers and blew air into it, hoping her lungs would take it in.
A gurgling noise came from deep in her throat before she rolled over and spewed lake water onto the wooden boards. Coughing and gasping, she struggled for air. Aiden held a shaking hand to the small of her back to help support her as relief washed over him. He heard rapid footfalls behind him, his Dad’s low voice following shortly after. “What the hell happened? Where’s Susie?!” He asked, but neither of them was in a fit state to answer him no matter how much he pleaded for a reply.
Aiden’s eyelids suddenly slid closed and he fell on his side in an uncomfortable position, his arms out at odd angles from his body. Violet fell back and tried to regain her breath, looking up at the blurry trees lining the lake. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, feeling like she had just run a marathon and then drank way too much water.
“I’m sorry...”
Aiden groaned, but a stern look from his father made him get off the couch and slump towards the door after the girls. “Why, Dad, they know how to swim well enough.” He grumbled, not expecting a response. He knew arguing was useless.
Violet and Susie had already laid out their towels under the sun, slipping off their colorful flip flops and testing the water with their big toes. “Oooh, it’s a bit chilly today!” Susie exclaimed, shivering for effect. Violet rolled her eyes, smiling. “Psh, it is not! You’re just a big wuss.” Susie crossed her arms, a challenging grin creeping across her lips. “Oh yeah? I dare you to jump in first, then, Miss The-water-isn’t-cold.”
“Fine, I will.” Violet accepted her dare, slowly sliding her arms out of the cover-up sundress she was wearing. The firey hues contrasted with the deep blues and greens of her suit, the pair covering all colors of the rainbow. She took her time tying up her long black hair into a tight ponytail atop her head, laughing when Susie began to tap her foot against the dark wood of the dock. “You're stalling!” She accused, lunging forward.
Violet evaded her attack by jumping sideways, hoping that Susie lost her balance and tumbled into the water, but she wasn’t that fortunate. They mirrored each other, standing at the edge of the dock facing the shadowy water, waiting with mischievous smiles for the other to strike first.
Out of the corner of her eye, Violet saw Aiden approaching them, ambling over to the bench on the dock with a thick book clutched in his hand. Curiosity flitted shortly across his face when he took in the girls’ stances, but soon left, his expression turning unreadable. “I’m surprised you two aren’t already racing each other across the lake.” He commented, his heavy footfalls thumping hollowly on the surface of the wooden platform.
“Yeah, well, we’re trying to settle something first. It’s none of your business anyway. Butt out.” Susie retorted meanly, just the way a little sister might. He just shrugged, uninterested, and made his way over to the cushioned bench.
Violet’s gaze had shifted from Susie over to Aiden and Susie used this distraction to her advantage. She pounced forwards, arms stretched out in front; the perfect position to push someone. Violet was lucky to have her quick reflexes, and, to Susie’s dismay, dodged at the last second. “You can't catch me!” She yelled giddily, leaping to the other side of the dock around Susie.
Susie growled, despite the smile on her face, and threw herself at Violet again. She missed, for the third time. Violet stuck her tongue out, mocking Susie and laughing at her expression of frustration. “That’s it!” Susie declared, pointing a long nailed finger at Violet. “You're going into this lake!”
Susie and Violet both screamed simultaneously, falling into the water with confused expressions bending their brows. Susie hadn’t pushed Violet and Violet hadn’t even touched Susie. When they surfaced, Violet knew exactly who did it.
“AIDEN!” Susie shrieked, making a flock of crows in a nearby evergreen caw and fly away. He looked over the top of his book, lounging on the bench like he’d been there the whole time. His eyebrows rose at her. “What?” He asked innocently, a smile threatening to break out. His lips quirked at the corners as he tried to hold it back.
“You pushed us in! I know it was you! Don’t play dumb with me!” She fumed, climbing up the rust incrusted ladder screwed to the platform to stick a wet finger in his face. “Hey, water is a book’s enemy.” He said, slapping it closed and holding it away from her dripping body. Violet had to laugh at the absurdity of his expression against Susie’s fury, how it seemed to glance off of him.
She regretted it instantly when Susie rounded on her, turning all her anger towards her and piercing holes in her face with the intensity of her stare. Violet held her hands up in surrender. “Hey, calm down, Suz. He just pushed us in. We wanted to go swimming after all, don’t get all fired up about it.”
It only took one step and a good shove and Violet was in the chilly water once again.
Susie yelled, frustrated, hands balled into fists at her sides. “I cannot believe you!” She huffed, turning her back to him. Violet surfaced, taking in air and wiping wet strands back from her face. “C'mon Suz, ignore him. Let’s race.” She suggested, gesturing with her arm for Susie to get back into the water. Reluctantly she slipped back in, disturbing the liquid with her body.
The water rippled restlessly around them as they swam between the parallel shores. The second time they got to the other side they stopped for a rest and stretched out on a floating platform, letting the sun dry their dripping skin.
“Don’t mind Aiden,” Violet murmured, knowing Susie was still thinking about what happened earlier. “He’s just being your big brother. He aims to make you mad and enjoys your anger and frustration. You remember him smiling up at you, right? He didn’t care; he was happy that he made you mad. He thrives off of that.” Suz just made a grunting noise indicating that she had been listening.
“But you don’t have any older siblings who’re like him. He’s a big idiot.” Susie sighed heavily, rolling over onto her elbow to face Violet more directly. “Do you really think that’s what he wants when he makes me mad?” She pondered aloud, her eyes darting all around in her head in thought.
Violet nodded and closed her eyes, reveling in the warm blanket the suns beams cast down on her. Susie hummed in thought, rolling onto her back and copying Violet. Violet turned her head to the side and watched Aiden flip pages on the opposite dock. His dusky brown hair was short and messy; it hung down low enough to cover some of his forehead but not shadow his blue eyes. The black shirt he wore hung loosely on his frame, but pulled tight in just the right places and his jeans were dark-wash, faded and gray. There was a hole at the left knee, the darkened edges fraying into white.
“Earth to Vi.” Susie jabbed at her shoulder and Violet blinked over at her. “What’re you staring at?” She demanded, her eyes following the trail of where Violet’s had just been. Her lips curved into an excited O and Violet braced herself for what she was about to say.
She gasped dramatically for starters. “You like him!” She half yelled half whispered. Violet rolled her eyes and groaned, turning away from Susie. She squealed. “I should’ve thought of that before! Ooooh, you would look so cute together! And then, if you get married, you’ll be, like, legally my sister!” She leapt up to her feet and grabbed Violet’s hand, tugging her none-too-gently onto her own.
“We must tell him the great news!” Susie smiled gleefully. “Hey-!” She started, waving her arm in a huge arc to get Aiden’s attention. Violet slapped a hand over her mouth and jumped off the platform, plunging them both into the lake. “Are you nuts?!” Violet hissed once their heads were above water. “We don’t even know if he likes me back!” “Well then, let’s find out!” Suz replied simply, oblivious to Violet’s anxiety.
“No, Suz wait! Please, let’s talk about this! I don’t know what he’s even like!” She begged, swimming alongside Susie. She giggled in response. “He’s smart, he reads a lot, he’s not a pervert, and he loves taking walks, he’s perfect for you!” Violet groaned, knowing at this point that Susie wouldn’t stop. Nothing Violet could say would prevent Suz from marching up to Aiden and telling him she likes him.
“Please, Susie. What if he rejects me? It’ll be your fault, you know.” She pleaded again feebly, without any real intention to win the debate. Susie just snorted, amused. “He won't; you're too pretty to turn down.” Violet was so surprised by that comment that she stopped in mid-kick.
Quickly regaining herself, she paddled up next to Susie. They were halfway to the dock; maybe if she pretended to drown, but acted real enough, Susie would totally forget about this whole thing? That might work, she thought. Violet could, at times, be a great actress.
Before she could begin her act, however, Susie was pulled under.
Something appeared to grab her ankles and yank her underneath the water; it closed in rapidly over her disappearing head. “OhmyGod - Susie!” Violet shrieked in shock and horror, taking a deep breath before diving down into the murky water. To her frustration, she could only see a foot or two in front of her face through the shadowy green lake.
She rushed to the surface, gulping in air before throwing herself back into the depths of the lake. She quickly glimpsed the dock before she went under and saw that Aiden had stood up from his seat, looking out towards Violet. She scissored her legs as fast as she could, propelling herself downwards with her arms. Squinting her eyes open, her cheeks bubbled and she knew she was running out of air quickly.
“Damn it!” She cursed loudly when she got back above water, treading it and huffing. She felt light headed and knew, with a sinking heart, that she wouldn’t be able to go under again for a few minutes at least. And at that point, it would be too late.
Aiden dove in, swimming swiftly over to her. “Where’s Susie?” He asked in a hurried tone, bordering the edge of worry. Violet shook her head, eyes squeezed closed. Tears burned behind her lids, threatening to push past the barrier when she thought of Susie’s scared face being suffocated by water.
Aiden dove under, leaving Violet to tread alone on the surface. His body faded with every kick he took, searching for any sign of Susie until she couldn’t see his feet through the dull, mucky water.
He returned a minute or so later, shaking his own head in despair. Tears filled her eyes at the action, making his sister’s death true. This was reality.
She desperately wanted to reject reality.
“S-Susie…” She mumbled between pants, trying to regain her breath. Tears burned hotly in her eyes in great contrast to the chilly water she treaded.
“We need to get back to shore. Something pulled her down and I’m sure it won’t mind two more humans, whatever it was.” He told her as he grabbed her upper arm to help steer her in the right direction.
Just as he let go, she shot under the water with a gasp. Aiden submerged as quickly as he could, pumping his legs and arms against the water. He ground his teeth together, squinting his eyes as they darted around, determined not to lose her. Her pale hand waved in front of him and he grabbed at it frantically, clutching it with an iron grip and tugging without restraint. She came up toward him but the thing that had her ankles yanked her down deeper.
Her floating face looked lifeless already, eyes closed and lips parted, but he was resolute on keeping her alive. He already lost his sister and he wouldn’t let anyone else die, not when it was in his power to save them.
He gripped her limp wrist firmly in both of his hands and heaved with all the strength that he could, her body coming towards him again. He pulled back his leg and threw it forward into the thing that was trying to drown her, his foot connecting effectively. Her ankles slipped out of its loosened grasp and he hauled her to the surface, his oxygen level depleting dangerously fast.
He wove his arm underneath hers across the top of her stomach, her back on his front, and he crushed her body to his to keep her lolling head above the water. He felt exhaustion settle in his limbs, but he wouldn’t stop until he got to the dock. That thing was pissed and he knew, in his state, they would both go down without a trace if it came back for them.
As he neared the wooden platform he hurled her up onto it before climbing out via the ladder and stumbling over his weary feet. He fell to his knees, his energy spent and chest heaving. Air in his lungs never felt so good.
His eyelids were suddenly like lead, but he held them open against his will. Before he could let torpor take him over the edge of sleep he had to make sure that Violet was still alive and breathing. He put two fingers to her jugular and felt a subtle pulse. That was all he needed.
Putting his ear by her mouth, he noticed she wasn’t breathing. “CPR.” He rasped, leaning over her body to press his hands on her heart. He pushed again and again, stopping to put his mouth to hers and clamp her nose shut. Pumping his hands against her chest again several more times, he began to lose hope. He pressed his mouth to hers and blew air into it, hoping her lungs would take it in.
A gurgling noise came from deep in her throat before she rolled over and spewed lake water onto the wooden boards. Coughing and gasping, she struggled for air. Aiden held a shaking hand to the small of her back to help support her as relief washed over him. He heard rapid footfalls behind him, his Dad’s low voice following shortly after. “What the hell happened? Where’s Susie?!” He asked, but neither of them was in a fit state to answer him no matter how much he pleaded for a reply.
Aiden’s eyelids suddenly slid closed and he fell on his side in an uncomfortable position, his arms out at odd angles from his body. Violet fell back and tried to regain her breath, looking up at the blurry trees lining the lake. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, feeling like she had just run a marathon and then drank way too much water.
“I’m sorry...”
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Accident
I can't sleep. Tossing and turning, clamping my eyes shut only for them to flutter open sleeplessly again. I bury my tearstained face into the worn, tear blotted pillow beneath me, trying desperately to quiet the shrill sobs scratching at my throat. The pitch black darkness of my room suffocates me, but I don’t have the strength to pull myself up and flip on the light switch. The silence surrounds me; it scares me to death only because it screams the truth: I am alone. As I lay here in a feebly tangled heap of blankets and body parts, unable to sleep and crying like a despairing insomniac, I can't help but wonder. I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to die.
Do we get swept away under the relentlessly crushing black oblivion, our bodies melting away from our souls which begin flitting around mindlessly like faeries trapped in little glowing orbs? Or do our entire beings; mind, body, soul, get erased from the system called life, deleted like broken computer programs? Or, even, do we get copied and the duplicate of ourselves is like a ghostly reflection and we all transfer to a kind of waiting room where we anticipate our turn for being judged by God? No one knows for sure what happens after our hearts stop beating.
I wish he could come back and tell me so I know. I wish he could just come back. Fresh tears spilled from my eyes as I pathetically bit my lip against the cascading waterfall. Why couldn’t that red truck have been more careful?
The whole scene played out perfectly in my head again, as it had so many times before.
I shivered, rapidly rubbing my gloved hands up and down my arms to try and ward off the cold. Bouncing on the balls of my feet, I breathed out a visibly translucent sigh of air. “Where is he? If he doesn’t get here soon he’ll be late for his meeting.” I whispered to the night air, a lazy gust of wind brushing past me, sending unwelcome chills up my spine. I hurriedly slid back the fuzzy sleeve of my coat to check my watch. I sighed again. “What’s taking him so long? He’s already ten minutes late. Maybe I should call him…” I voiced my thoughts to the icy air.
“I’ll call him." I concluded, reaching my hand into my purse to rummage around for my phone. Breathing on my frozen extremity to warm up my fingers, I poked out his number on the lit keypad. Holding it to my ear, I waited while listening to the rings. Once, twice, three times... "Hey babe, sorry I'm late. I'll be there in a few minutes." I smiled; it sounded like he had been expecting my call. "Alright honey. Drive safe; I hear there's patches of ice everywhere on the road. See you soon, love you!" I replied quickly, wanting him to focus on driving. "Love you too, see you soon." The line cut out.
I flipped the phone shut with a snap and slid it back into my purse. I quickly rubbed my hands together and breathed on them to defrost my poor, stiffly frozen fingers. I stood there like this for only a few more minutes as the wind bit at my ears and nose.
A smile broke out between my rosy cheeks as I saw his car shoot around the bend. I felt the wind from a red truck that had just sped past lightly push against me and I watched it zoom in the opposite direction that Lyric was going in.
What I saw next will always be burned into the backs of my eyelids; a memory I will never be able to forget even if I wanted so desperately to.
Then a sound met my ears. It was not a pleasant sound. I gasped as I watched the wheels of the red truck spin, sliding and unable to stop as it hit a deadly patch of black ice. The sound of squealing tires filled my ears as I screamed "No!" As much as I felt the urge to run, to do something, I couldn't; I was utterly rooted to the spot, only able to look on and watch what happened next.
Lyrics car swerved as wide as it could, tires screeching in protest to the huge arc, trying desperately to dodge the spinning and out-of-control truck, but unfortunately it wasn't enough.
The two cars collided with each other in a flash of silver and red; a horrible crunching boom rang through the trees and off the mountains. The silver car was launched sideways by the red truck, briefly hanging in the air before smashing to the pavement on its top, rolling and spinning in a ceaselessly dangerous tumble. Awful scraping noises shrieked from the silver car as it finally skidded to a halt. The red truck had only spun a few 360’s before smashing front first into a tree 20 feet from the silver car.
Then the road was ringing with a haunting silence.
I stood there, speechless and utterly terrified. I couldn't feel my feet or make them move; I stood rooted to the spot, trembling. I managed to get a hold of myself enough to shove my hand into my purse and shakily rip out my phone. It fell from my quivering hand and onto the frozen ground; I swore loudly. Crouching quickly to pick it up, I jabbed my numb finger at the numbers 9-1-1, hurriedly putting it to my ear.
I was finally able to move my feet, surging forwards and losing my balance. I fell face first, catching myself on my free hand, cursing loudly again as I scrambled up to my quaking feet. I ran to the silver car, the shrill ringing of the phone intruding into my ear. My heart pounded against my ribs, fluttering like a winged thing trapped in a cage. My mind raced with dark, terrifying possibilities.
What if...he was dead?
"Hello, 9-1-1, what is the emergency?" A calm, business toned lady asked me, making me jump at the sudden voice. "Um, there's been a cr-crash. P-please send help immediately. T-two people inside damaged v-vehicles." I replied shakily, tears filling my eyes. "What is you location?" The business tone asked me again. I spun towards the stop sign and read our whereabouts to her, stammering and trembling as I spoke. "Help is on the way." The lady replied. I snapped the phone shut and shoved it back into my purse. I threw myself to the ground by the driver’s side window of the silver car, crouching on shards of glass and twisted metal. They cut sharply into my skin, making it cry crimson tears, but I didn't care.
"L-lyric?" I whispered hoarsely, hesitantly looking through the window. I cleared my throat roughly. "Lyric? Are you a-alright?" I asked again, this time louder. I reached my trembling hand up, poising it just over the window. I drew in a shaky breath and knocked. I heard an odd, gurgling and moaning noise come from inside the car. "Lyric? Hello?" I yelled louder through the window. The moaning sound greeted my ears again, but this time it was stronger.
I sprang up onto my feet with more grace than I thought I had, given the current circumstances, and tried yanking open the driver’s side door. To my luck, it was unlocked. I tore it open, falling to my knees to examine the damage and see how badly Lyric was hurt. I gasped, sharply sucking in a gust of air and put my hands to my face. “Oh my God.”
He was suspended upside down by his seatbelt, head almost touching the roof of the car. Blood was gushing from a wound on his head where it hit the windshield and a crimson waterfall was spilling from his mouth. His arm dangled, bloody and shirt ripped, over his head. It was more than likely broken from the impact of the red truck on the driver’s side. His whole dress shirt was dyed a sick scarlet color; you would’ve never known it had been white. Tears filled my eyes and spilled over as they scanned his broken and bloodied form. “Lyric, baby…” I whispered, reaching my arms out to him. His eyes slowly looked over at me and he made that dark, moaning sound again. I finally realized that the gurgling noise was because his mouth was full of blood when he tried speaking.
“What do I do? What do I do?” I jumped up, asking myself quickly, eyes wide and full of disbelief as I ran my hands through my disheveled locks. I heard sirens in the distance and prayed that they got here quickly. “Help is on the way, honey, just hold on.” I whimpered, collapsing to my knees again by his head as tears streamed relentlessly down my cheeks. I sobbed pathetically by Lyric’s helplessly trapped body. If I tried moving him it would only hurt him more, so I had to wait for the paramedics to get here. I hated feeling so…so useless. My love was injured and in pain and all I could do was watch and wait.
Useless.
The sirens shrieked their shrill cries as the ambulances approached, breaking through the frozen air surrounding the scene of the crash. All I could do when they stopped quickly near both vehicles was scoot back on shards of glass and watch with a tear-blurred gaze as they pulled Lyric’s body from the car with such precision and skill that no one other than a practiced paramedic could have achieved. One of the blue clad women walked over to me and kneeled by my pathetic form, asking me if I could tell them about what happened. I just broke down in sobs, feeling my throat going sore as they ripped from my lungs.
It had all happened so fast. Too fast.
His heart was still beating when they got him to the hospital and that was a very good sign. He had lost a lot of blood though, and that wasn’t the best of news. “He’s got a strong heart.” A doctor had told me while we were speed-walking down the white, overly clean hallways of the hospital that always smelled strongly of bleach. “If we can get him patched up quick enough, I’m sure he’ll be fine.” He had smiled at me, a reassuring smile that I’d imagined he gave to every other distraught relative of an injured loved one in the hospital. Although his words had been somewhat reassuring at the time, since I was no doctor I couldn’t verify whether he was sugar-coating it or telling me the cold hard truth, so I believed him.
He was wrong.
Lyric died in the hospital shortly after he got there. They underestimated how much blood he had lost and weren’t quick enough with patching him up. I didn’t even get to say goodbye or see him one last time while he was alive.
He was gone from me. Violently ripped away in a flash. Now all I’m left with is the pile of broken pieces that were once my heart cutting sharply into my hands and a lap full of cold tears.
What could be worse?
Do we get swept away under the relentlessly crushing black oblivion, our bodies melting away from our souls which begin flitting around mindlessly like faeries trapped in little glowing orbs? Or do our entire beings; mind, body, soul, get erased from the system called life, deleted like broken computer programs? Or, even, do we get copied and the duplicate of ourselves is like a ghostly reflection and we all transfer to a kind of waiting room where we anticipate our turn for being judged by God? No one knows for sure what happens after our hearts stop beating.
I wish he could come back and tell me so I know. I wish he could just come back. Fresh tears spilled from my eyes as I pathetically bit my lip against the cascading waterfall. Why couldn’t that red truck have been more careful?
The whole scene played out perfectly in my head again, as it had so many times before.
I shivered, rapidly rubbing my gloved hands up and down my arms to try and ward off the cold. Bouncing on the balls of my feet, I breathed out a visibly translucent sigh of air. “Where is he? If he doesn’t get here soon he’ll be late for his meeting.” I whispered to the night air, a lazy gust of wind brushing past me, sending unwelcome chills up my spine. I hurriedly slid back the fuzzy sleeve of my coat to check my watch. I sighed again. “What’s taking him so long? He’s already ten minutes late. Maybe I should call him…” I voiced my thoughts to the icy air.
“I’ll call him." I concluded, reaching my hand into my purse to rummage around for my phone. Breathing on my frozen extremity to warm up my fingers, I poked out his number on the lit keypad. Holding it to my ear, I waited while listening to the rings. Once, twice, three times... "Hey babe, sorry I'm late. I'll be there in a few minutes." I smiled; it sounded like he had been expecting my call. "Alright honey. Drive safe; I hear there's patches of ice everywhere on the road. See you soon, love you!" I replied quickly, wanting him to focus on driving. "Love you too, see you soon." The line cut out.
I flipped the phone shut with a snap and slid it back into my purse. I quickly rubbed my hands together and breathed on them to defrost my poor, stiffly frozen fingers. I stood there like this for only a few more minutes as the wind bit at my ears and nose.
A smile broke out between my rosy cheeks as I saw his car shoot around the bend. I felt the wind from a red truck that had just sped past lightly push against me and I watched it zoom in the opposite direction that Lyric was going in.
What I saw next will always be burned into the backs of my eyelids; a memory I will never be able to forget even if I wanted so desperately to.
Then a sound met my ears. It was not a pleasant sound. I gasped as I watched the wheels of the red truck spin, sliding and unable to stop as it hit a deadly patch of black ice. The sound of squealing tires filled my ears as I screamed "No!" As much as I felt the urge to run, to do something, I couldn't; I was utterly rooted to the spot, only able to look on and watch what happened next.
Lyrics car swerved as wide as it could, tires screeching in protest to the huge arc, trying desperately to dodge the spinning and out-of-control truck, but unfortunately it wasn't enough.
The two cars collided with each other in a flash of silver and red; a horrible crunching boom rang through the trees and off the mountains. The silver car was launched sideways by the red truck, briefly hanging in the air before smashing to the pavement on its top, rolling and spinning in a ceaselessly dangerous tumble. Awful scraping noises shrieked from the silver car as it finally skidded to a halt. The red truck had only spun a few 360’s before smashing front first into a tree 20 feet from the silver car.
Then the road was ringing with a haunting silence.
I stood there, speechless and utterly terrified. I couldn't feel my feet or make them move; I stood rooted to the spot, trembling. I managed to get a hold of myself enough to shove my hand into my purse and shakily rip out my phone. It fell from my quivering hand and onto the frozen ground; I swore loudly. Crouching quickly to pick it up, I jabbed my numb finger at the numbers 9-1-1, hurriedly putting it to my ear.
I was finally able to move my feet, surging forwards and losing my balance. I fell face first, catching myself on my free hand, cursing loudly again as I scrambled up to my quaking feet. I ran to the silver car, the shrill ringing of the phone intruding into my ear. My heart pounded against my ribs, fluttering like a winged thing trapped in a cage. My mind raced with dark, terrifying possibilities.
What if...he was dead?
"Hello, 9-1-1, what is the emergency?" A calm, business toned lady asked me, making me jump at the sudden voice. "Um, there's been a cr-crash. P-please send help immediately. T-two people inside damaged v-vehicles." I replied shakily, tears filling my eyes. "What is you location?" The business tone asked me again. I spun towards the stop sign and read our whereabouts to her, stammering and trembling as I spoke. "Help is on the way." The lady replied. I snapped the phone shut and shoved it back into my purse. I threw myself to the ground by the driver’s side window of the silver car, crouching on shards of glass and twisted metal. They cut sharply into my skin, making it cry crimson tears, but I didn't care.
"L-lyric?" I whispered hoarsely, hesitantly looking through the window. I cleared my throat roughly. "Lyric? Are you a-alright?" I asked again, this time louder. I reached my trembling hand up, poising it just over the window. I drew in a shaky breath and knocked. I heard an odd, gurgling and moaning noise come from inside the car. "Lyric? Hello?" I yelled louder through the window. The moaning sound greeted my ears again, but this time it was stronger.
I sprang up onto my feet with more grace than I thought I had, given the current circumstances, and tried yanking open the driver’s side door. To my luck, it was unlocked. I tore it open, falling to my knees to examine the damage and see how badly Lyric was hurt. I gasped, sharply sucking in a gust of air and put my hands to my face. “Oh my God.”
He was suspended upside down by his seatbelt, head almost touching the roof of the car. Blood was gushing from a wound on his head where it hit the windshield and a crimson waterfall was spilling from his mouth. His arm dangled, bloody and shirt ripped, over his head. It was more than likely broken from the impact of the red truck on the driver’s side. His whole dress shirt was dyed a sick scarlet color; you would’ve never known it had been white. Tears filled my eyes and spilled over as they scanned his broken and bloodied form. “Lyric, baby…” I whispered, reaching my arms out to him. His eyes slowly looked over at me and he made that dark, moaning sound again. I finally realized that the gurgling noise was because his mouth was full of blood when he tried speaking.
“What do I do? What do I do?” I jumped up, asking myself quickly, eyes wide and full of disbelief as I ran my hands through my disheveled locks. I heard sirens in the distance and prayed that they got here quickly. “Help is on the way, honey, just hold on.” I whimpered, collapsing to my knees again by his head as tears streamed relentlessly down my cheeks. I sobbed pathetically by Lyric’s helplessly trapped body. If I tried moving him it would only hurt him more, so I had to wait for the paramedics to get here. I hated feeling so…so useless. My love was injured and in pain and all I could do was watch and wait.
Useless.
The sirens shrieked their shrill cries as the ambulances approached, breaking through the frozen air surrounding the scene of the crash. All I could do when they stopped quickly near both vehicles was scoot back on shards of glass and watch with a tear-blurred gaze as they pulled Lyric’s body from the car with such precision and skill that no one other than a practiced paramedic could have achieved. One of the blue clad women walked over to me and kneeled by my pathetic form, asking me if I could tell them about what happened. I just broke down in sobs, feeling my throat going sore as they ripped from my lungs.
It had all happened so fast. Too fast.
His heart was still beating when they got him to the hospital and that was a very good sign. He had lost a lot of blood though, and that wasn’t the best of news. “He’s got a strong heart.” A doctor had told me while we were speed-walking down the white, overly clean hallways of the hospital that always smelled strongly of bleach. “If we can get him patched up quick enough, I’m sure he’ll be fine.” He had smiled at me, a reassuring smile that I’d imagined he gave to every other distraught relative of an injured loved one in the hospital. Although his words had been somewhat reassuring at the time, since I was no doctor I couldn’t verify whether he was sugar-coating it or telling me the cold hard truth, so I believed him.
He was wrong.
Lyric died in the hospital shortly after he got there. They underestimated how much blood he had lost and weren’t quick enough with patching him up. I didn’t even get to say goodbye or see him one last time while he was alive.
He was gone from me. Violently ripped away in a flash. Now all I’m left with is the pile of broken pieces that were once my heart cutting sharply into my hands and a lap full of cold tears.
What could be worse?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Multiply
Ever wonder how Jesus multiplied the loaves of bread and fish to feed over 4,000 people? I know I have. But, have you also ever wondered if God does that still today? Albeit maybe not giving someone the ability to feed thousands from small loaves of bread, God can still do things like that. For instance, this past Sunday I dug around in my purse for all the soles (money in coins) I had to slip into the tithe bucket that was being passed around at church. (I only had around 3 or 4 soles left.) Finding the last of it, I threw it into the bucket without thinking whether I'd want it or need it in days to come. This action left me without any money for the rest of the month, as I only get my allowance at the beginning of every month. This didn't bother me for whatever reason; though - knowing me - it should have.
Then, earlier today I was looking frantically in my messenger bag for a safety pin that I needed and checked every pocket in desperate search. Sliding my hand into a small zippered pouch, I felt what seemed like a folded slip of paper. Pulling it out curiously, I unfolded it and realized that it was a ten sole bill. I had no idea - and can't remember - that I had left that in there. I immediately thought about the money I threw in for the tithe and later thinking that, oh, I don't have any money left. Smiling, I thanked God and slipped it into my back pocket. I feel like God multiplied my tithe and blessed me because I gave Him all I thought I had left without worrying whether I would need it. Some may say it was just coincidence that I happened to find that bill in my bag, but I don't concur. There are never coincidences, just God-instances. (I don't know who originally said that, but it's not from my own mind. Credit goes to whomever thought it up first.)
Have a blessed day! (:
Vicki
Then, earlier today I was looking frantically in my messenger bag for a safety pin that I needed and checked every pocket in desperate search. Sliding my hand into a small zippered pouch, I felt what seemed like a folded slip of paper. Pulling it out curiously, I unfolded it and realized that it was a ten sole bill. I had no idea - and can't remember - that I had left that in there. I immediately thought about the money I threw in for the tithe and later thinking that, oh, I don't have any money left. Smiling, I thanked God and slipped it into my back pocket. I feel like God multiplied my tithe and blessed me because I gave Him all I thought I had left without worrying whether I would need it. Some may say it was just coincidence that I happened to find that bill in my bag, but I don't concur. There are never coincidences, just God-instances. (I don't know who originally said that, but it's not from my own mind. Credit goes to whomever thought it up first.)
Have a blessed day! (:
Vicki
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Indescribable, Uncontainable; You Are Amazing God
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Hey all,I had some really good God moments over the past few days. And the past year, I should say. My eyes have been opened to a lot of stuff that is about the world and Godly and sometimes a mixture of both. He’s shown me things that I can’t explain, but some of the points that He’s revealed (and that I can, fortunately, explain) I feel like I should share with others. Let’s begin, shall we?
So first, I am propelled to think that there is somewhat of a cycle to this whole “wisdom” thing. These are my thoughts about it (with God’s help):
You gain wisdom through experiences and in speaking to others about the wisdom you gained, you give them knowledge of it. You help them through your own experiences (using the wisdom) so that they may not make the same mistake you did. You don’t give them wisdom; you give them knowledge through your wisdom. Or present them with the knowledge, free for them to take if they so choose.
Which is generally a good idea.
My next thoughts are about rules and regulations, laws and such that we are supposed to follow. Remember that hand book in school that you read that listed all those – what you thought – dumb rules that you felt like they forced you to follow? Yeah, those ones. The smallest rules and the biggest laws are similar in how they attempt to guide you. I feel like laws (like the Ten Commandments or any other rule you should – but are not forced – to follow) are like walls surrounding you. Imagine yourself totally surrounded by bleached white walls that are tall, but short enough for you to climb over if you wanted to. The walls are built for you protection and to keep outside things from getting in, like bad influences and things that could harm you in any way. However, the walls are like a strong suggestion for you not to get out, but you could jump them if you wanted.
I feel like some people think that rules are like a cage, locking you inside and forcing you to do things that you think you don’t want to do. I absolutely despise the phrase “rules are meant to be broken” because they are not made up for people to break them. That is far from the reason they are laid down in the first place. Rules, laws, regulations; any of those things are set for your safety and protection because (generally) wise people set them, using their wisdom to help you not make the same mistakes that they did. The rules are not preventing you from doing something fun or anything like that. On the other side of that wall (not chain link caging) is a field of endless barbed wire, not bright green, unbelievably luscious grass and rainbows.
If you think that, you're in for a big surprise.
In short summary, (if the above was so incredibly scatter-brained that you couldn’t follow along, I’m sorry) rules are made up for your safety, not to prevent you from doing anything fun. (You’re not missing out on anything being inside the walls.) Laws are like walls, not caging. We have the free will, the choice to stay inside the walls or climb over them. God asks us to stay inside the walls because He knows what’s best for us, but we - as fleshy, sinful humans – always want to know what we’re not allowed to do. Our flesh and curiosity gets us in trouble and it breaks His heart to see us scale the walls, but He’s always got His arms wide open if we choose to jump back over, bruised and scratched.
I am still attempting to grasp just how God loves us as much as He does and I know I’ll never fully understand it because if I did, I’d probably explode. It’s too much for us humans to handle, but I want to know more of how He can love such imperfect sinners so unconditionally. It’s so awesome to think that I have a Heavenly Father who will always, always take me back into His loving arms no matter how badly I’ve screwed up.
I love it.
Thoughts? Comments? And please, don’t hesitate to tell me if I’m out of line in anything I said. Don’t hesitate to point me back onto the right path; I stumble off it daily.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you (:
Have a blessed day!
~Vicki
Kiss A Cloud
A few droplets of moisture landed on the exposed skin of her arm, surprising her, the gray sky stealing her gaze upwards. The rain that came down was unsusual rain; it fell soft as snow but touched the ground like water. The mist caressed her face with chilly fingertips and she grinned.
"It's like kissing a cloud."
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The original idea of this is not mine, but the writing is. The words "kissing a cloud" are from one of my friends, Ryan Stauffer (ryanstauffer.wordpress.com/)
Thanks Ryan for the great idea (:
I wrote this because this is exactly how it rains down here in Peru. Peru only gets 1/4 of an inch of precipitation per year. So, the way that it "rains" is as a thin mist. It's weird.
~Vicki
"It's like kissing a cloud."
-------
The original idea of this is not mine, but the writing is. The words "kissing a cloud" are from one of my friends, Ryan Stauffer (ryanstauffer.wordpress.com/)
Thanks Ryan for the great idea (:
I wrote this because this is exactly how it rains down here in Peru. Peru only gets 1/4 of an inch of precipitation per year. So, the way that it "rains" is as a thin mist. It's weird.
~Vicki
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Pictures of the Orphanage
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Here are some pictures that I really liked of the orphanage. And a random picture of chairs in the cafeteria that I thought was cool.
The fourth picture is an updated picture of the orphanage, taken just today. The Gateway team is just flying here! It's got paint on it and everything. I really love their company; it's an awesome group of people ranging from teens to middle-aged and older Moms. It's been a great experience working with them so far and it's only the end of the second day! I can't wait to see what's going to happen these next few days.
The two pictures in the middle I will not take credit for (other than editing them); they were taken by David Mosemann (http://www.davidmosemann.net/). The one of the chairs and one of the orphanage, however, I can claim.
~Vicki
Methodical Dressing
I had an epiphany while standing in front of the mirror, gawking awkwardly with a toothbrush sticking out of my mouth at an odd angle and foam dribbling down my chin. I’m not sure why it struck me in this moment, but it did.
I realized that I dress methodically after a shower or in the morning when I’m getting ready. There is a certain order that I put on my clothing every single time and it hasn’t changed. The order goes something like this:
Under garments (without details for the sake of it being public), pants/shorts/skirts, first layer shirt, second layer shirt(if there is one).
I always, always have to put on my pants first because if I put on my shirts first, then I might have to pull them up to button my pants and then have to straighten the shirts back out. Since I put on my pants first, then I can just smooth out the shirts as I put them on and not have to use extra time to mess with them.
So, you see? Methodical. It might also be a little bit of my OCD seeping in too.
Who knows.
~Vicki
I realized that I dress methodically after a shower or in the morning when I’m getting ready. There is a certain order that I put on my clothing every single time and it hasn’t changed. The order goes something like this:
Under garments (without details for the sake of it being public), pants/shorts/skirts, first layer shirt, second layer shirt(if there is one).
I always, always have to put on my pants first because if I put on my shirts first, then I might have to pull them up to button my pants and then have to straighten the shirts back out. Since I put on my pants first, then I can just smooth out the shirts as I put them on and not have to use extra time to mess with them.
So, you see? Methodical. It might also be a little bit of my OCD seeping in too.
Who knows.
~Vicki
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Sorry
“I’m sorry,” she murmured softly, staring downcast at the blue tiled floor, avoiding his eyes entirely. He shook his head slightly as a small sad smile crept onto his features. “You keep saying that, but you know just as well as I do that no matter how many times it’s uttered, it doesn’t really help. They’re just words, even if I know you mean them.” And he knew she meant them too, but it made no difference. She could be saying, “I think I’ll have a sandwich today,” and it would have the same effect on him as the words she was muttering now. They both knew that those words had lost their sincere meaning over the years because of how much people abused them. She sighed and closed her eyes, that foreign, small frown on her face deepening.
“I know,” she practically whispered, opening her brown eyes to stare at the plain white wall, again avoiding his eyes.
He gazed at her face, letting his eyes trail up her neck and over her softly angled jaw, up around her small but full lips and letting his eyes rest on her unfocused ones after he spied the hardly noticeable patch of dark purple half moons hanging underneath them.
“I'm sorry,” she murmured, grimacing as she realized she had said it again. He chuckled softly, shaking his head again. “Sorry, it’s impulse. Ack! Sorry! Gah!” Her hands rapidly came up to her face, smacking hard against it.
He laughed and walked over to her, gently tugging her hands back from her face. “It’s alright, love. I forgive you,” he whispered tenderly into her ear as he began wrapping her arms around his torso. She caught on quickly and coiled them around his body as she went to rest her head against his chest. Before it lay against him, however, he put his forefinger under her chin to bring up her face so that he could look into those beautiful eyes once more.
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