And In One Moment, Love Is Lost

“I wonder what you’ll take from me today
Sanity or just my breath away, it’s hard to say
Impossible for me to tell, we’re always walking on eggshells
Who you’re going to be from day to day today”

I Don’t think I Love You – Hoobastank

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Quietly, so quietly, she slipped on her sandals in the pitch dark foyer. She removed her coat deliberately from the rack by the door and guided her hands through the arms, zipping it up with a slowness a sloth would appreciate.

She took a breath and stepped with the lightness of a ballerina towards the door, reaching out her sweating palm to grasp the handle.

“What are you doing, Anna?” A dark voice came from the sitting room and she nearly froze in the terror that washed over her. She closed her eyes and kept absolutely still.

Footsteps approached her leisurely; she forced herself to keep her eyes shut.

“I asked, what are you doing?” he said again, closer this time, and with a venom that penetrated deep without him even touching her.

She swallowed inaudibly and straightened herself. “Going for a walk.” She avoided his gaze, knowing he was staring at her with those sharp, searching eyes. She hated those eyes.

“A walk, hm? At eleven o’clock at night? After sneaking out of bed and into your shoes, without telling me you were leaving in case something were to happen to you out on this walk at a dangerous time of the night?”

Her gaze locked on the floor. “I should have told you, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you,” she nearly whispered.

“Look at me.” He didn’t say it, but she discerned that he knew the very thing she never wanted him to know. “I said, look at me,” he hissed, gripping her chin harshly and yanking it level with his face. His eyes stabbed through hers, to find the truth that he already knew.

She remained unfeeling beneath his glare.

“What is your destination, Anna? Where are you going?”

Her response was hesitant and she could see that made him angry, his patience burning up with every millisecond that passed.

“There was no destination,” she murmured, attempting to quell the fright rising in her throat. Please, just let me go, she wanted to beg him. Don’t hurt me…just let me go.

“Liar! You were going to see him, weren’t you? Weren’t you?” He shook her as he shouted. She knew his reactions were always ruthless, but she had never seen him as explosive as this.

“No,” she began, but he drew back his hand and slapped her with rage fueled by jealousy and hatred. Her body pitched to the side and she stumbled backwards, throwing out her arms to catch her. “Please, don’t,” she whispered, the urge to cry nearly overwhelming everything in her mind.

“No! You listen to me. You are never to see him again! You are mine, I own you! You're my wife and you will do as I say!” he howled at her, roughly grabbing her wrist to wrench her off the floor. “Stand up!” he screamed. “Stand up and look at me!”

Tears filled her eyes and she willed herself not to let them fall. Her wrist ached under the pressure of his grip, but he didn’t ease up.

“Never are you to go to him again!”

Despite herself and his words, she shook her head. She shook it hard, back and forth, until he launched his palm at her face once more. She caught herself against the wall and made a hasty dash to the front door. He roared and barreled toward her.

“Don’t you dare walk out that door!” His hand snapped out, but all he managed to grip was her earring. Nevertheless, he jerked back inexorably, and her earlobe ripped.

She cried out and cupped her ear as she swung the door open and slammed it shut behind her, running and tripping over the front lawn with a vigor she didn’t know she had.

Anna scrambled over the asphalt and through a neighbor’s yard, turning a corner and throwing herself behind the house. She bolted then, only one thought consuming her mind; she had to get to the only place she felt sanctuary.

Jaren’s arms.

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“Just let me run where I want to run
Just let me love who I want
In a flash a heart is slain
you have to ask in all this pain
Was your heart too soft?
Was your love in vain?”

Love Affair - Copeland

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She rapped on the door hard and it opened almost instantly. Without thinking, she crashed into him and buried her face in his shoulder, the tears already beginning to crawl over her cheeks. It took less than a second for his arms to reach around her and hug her close to him.

“Jaren, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” she sobbed, clamping her arms tighter around his neck.

“Shh, darling, what's wrong?” He stroked her head and smoothed down her hair before pausing. “My God...what happened to your ear?”

She choked on a sob. “H-he hit me, Jaren, and he ripped my earring out and he knows. Jaren, he knows,” she wailed uncontrollably, futilely trying to keep her crying in hand.

“Oh honey,” he cooed.

Jaren cradled her against his chest and between her whimpers, Anna was telling herself this was all a nightmare, that she would wake up and it would all go away. But she knew wishing it all to disappear was hopeless. She cried harder.

“He's mad, Jaren. He's so mad. I don't know what he'll do. I'm so scared,” she cried softly into his shirt.

“It’s okay honey, it’s alright. Everything will be alright. We can run away, far away to a place he won't even think to look,” he reassured her smoothly, bringing up her face to smile at her. Gently, he kissed the tip of her nose and banished a few tears with the pads of his thumbs. “I love you too much to leave you.”

Her reply was shoving her face into the dip between his shoulder and neck and whimpering, “I love you too, so much.” Anna wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, craving his warmth, his touch, his tender familiarity.

“Anna, we must hurry. Time is not for us. I’ll quickly gather a few of my things and then we will vanish into the night.” He smiled and held her face between his rough hands. “Soon love, very soon we will be free from all this.”

Suddenly the door burst open and an angry roar followed the slam.

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“If I were to die this very moment
I wouldn’t fear
For I’ve never known completeness like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you”

Gorecki – Lamb

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“Get away from her!”

Anna spun around and in seconds, Mark had the barrel of a gun pointed in Jaren's face.

“Mark, no!” She made to shield Jaren, but Mark gripped her arm and tore her from him, clamping a claiming and unyielding arm around her waist at his side. Anna squirmed desperately, screaming and crying, trying to pry herself loose, but to no avail. “Mark, please, don't do this!” Mark dug his fingers deep into her side and she whimpered against the pain.

“Mark, let's talk about this,” Jaren murmured calmly, holding up his hands in surrender.

“You will never touch her again.” Mark's voice was a low growl as he glared daggers at Jaren. “There really isn't anything else to be said.”

“Jaren I love you, I'm sorry,” Anna cried softly.

“Shut up!” Mark spat down at Anna, making her cower in his grasp.

“I don't think that's necessary,” Jaren murmured defensively, taking a step forward.

“It doesn't matter what you think!” Mark pulled the trigger.

Jaren crumpled to the ground, unmoving.

Anna screamed. She screamed so loud and so violent that her throat seared dry. Tears flew from her eyes as she struggled in desperation against Mark's relentless hold.

“You killed him!” she wailed. Mark began to drag her back through the front door, but she fought for her release. She knew it was dangerous to disobey Mark. She knew it. But right now, she didn't give a damn.

“Jaren!” Her body reacted before she could think. She balled up her fist and socked Mark right in the crotch. He curled in on himself with a howl, his arm loosening. Anna dropped to the ground roughly on her hands and knees and scrambled forward to lean over Jaren. “Jaren,” she choked. “Honey I'm sorry.”

He half smiled up at her, his eyes dreamy and distant. Shakily she knotted her fingers in his and held their clasped hands to her chest. Her bottom lip quivered uncontrollably, as if it were vibrating.

“I love you,” Jaren murmured, dazed. Anna touched her fingers to the gaping hole in his chest, oozing crimson what could only be blood. She bit her lip and clamped her eyes shut against the oncoming tears. “I love you,” Jaren whispered, softer this time.

Mark’s arms came around her waist then, heaving her up and over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Anna’s fingers were pulled from Jaren’s, but she kept her arm reached out to him in a feeble attempt to hold on somehow.

“Goodbye,” she whispered brokenly, fighting the constricting choke of her throat.

“Goodbye,” Jaren’s breath came out like a slowly deflating tire until he could breathe no more.

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“I’m reaching for this life within me
How can one man stop his ending?
I thought of just your face
Relaxed and floated into space…”

Into The Ocean – Blue October