Fragments & Poppycock

A chapter taken from one of my novels. Felt the need to post something writing-related, so here it is. Woot.
-V

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It was bitingly cold outside, the wind howling its own misery and despair through the trees.

Jodi quietly stepped outside of the house and onto the front porch to clear her head and get some air. The police were already done “investigating” and questioning the three that had called them about Kaylis’s alleged “suicide”. Now all they had to do was write up their reports and decide whether James, Jodi, and Vincent were telling the truth.

“If this was a suicide, then why’s that boy out front’s name written on her arm?” one surly officer had asked Jodi, glaring at her with beady little owl eyes.

“He didn’t kill her. They were dating and he broke it off a few days ago. You can ask anyone at the party that we were at before we came here; they’ll testify that none of us were present at the time of death. We just found her like that,” Jodi explained with her arms crossed and eyes unwavering. The officer stepped down, although regrettably, and waved her away.

James had called Kaylis’s mother and what he thought was her older sister’s number in her cell phone to tell them of the news. He was currently leaning against the door of his Acura, arms crossed and expression sullen. He’d stepped away to allow Jodi a moment alone with Vincent, who was resting his back against the house on the other side of the door in a droopy fashion.

A cigarette was perched between his lips and every few seconds he would blow out a cloud of smoke, watching it dissipate listlessly in the passing wind. He had retracted back into his shell.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Jodi began quietly. Her breath came out looking as a cloud in the cold air.

“I don’t,” he murmured, continuing to stare into the shadows of the night. He pinched the end of the cigarette and slipped it gingerly from his lips. “But I do now.” He exhaled slowly, creating a steady stream of smoke and breath.

After a beat, Jodi took a few steps toward him with a sympathetic expression on her face.

“Hey, it’ll be all right--”

“Wrong. It won’t ever be fucking all right,” he said, cleanly cutting her off midsentence. He hadn’t expressed any emotion in his words, although in Jodi’s head it seemed strange not to put any emphasis on one word or another. He spoke like he was talking about dreams, about lovely, plushy, happy dreams. “It can’t be. Jodi…something’s changed in me. Something’s happened and I can’t explain it but it feels like a fucking black hole in my chest. I don’t understand it but it hurts, okay? I can’t…I can’t…” He grabbed at words, his tone suddenly different, and in the porch light, Jodi could see his lip wobbling and eyes glimmering. He cursed and shoved his palms into his eyes, grinding his teeth. “I can’t feel anything. I…it feels like I died back there. It’s like I’m a ghost now, or some shit.”

Jodi knew whenever he had talked to her before he put a filter on his words to be courteous, but now it was anything goes and he didn’t care. She could easily see it in his dull, inexpressive blue irises. He was losing himself and there were no rungs on the ladder to bring him back. He would just keep falling away, piece by piece, into madness.

Jodi wanted to hug him. She wanted to hug him badly, but she wasn’t sure how he would respond, if at all. He needed something she couldn’t give him. He needed something she wasn’t sure anyone could give him anymore. He seemed to read her thoughts and shook his head in agreement before pulling something out of his pocket.

“I gave this ribbon to her and told her to think of me and how much I cared when she wanted to self-harm…I guess it backfired. And I don’t want it. So you should take it and remember her whenever you see it. Please,” he asked, placing it in Jodi’s hand without her permission, but she took it anyway. “I’ve got enough memories to last me a lifetime. I don’t need any reminders.”

The spinning, silent police lights on top of the cars illuminated his face in blue and red, flashing through his eyes as he stood there, gazing at nothing and wondering everything.

“Well, I guess it’s time to go home. What are you going to do, Vince? The party is probably going to continue well into the morning.”

“There’s no way I’m going back there tonight. Fuck all those happy people; they don’t deserve it,” he lashed, although his tone was still cool and calm. She had no idea how he managed it.

Jodi closed the distance between them and placed a consoling hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t mean go back to the party. I meant where are you going to sleep? What are you going to do for the rest of the night?”

“I don’t know, float around, and terrorize some people. I’m a ghost, remember?”

Jodi gave him a sympathetic, concerned look, but his eyes didn’t match hers. “Vincent, you know as much about psychology as I do and I know you know how much thinking those kinds of thoughts are going to screw you over.”

At this, his blue eyes stared straight into hers, but there was no emotion. There was absolutely nothing.

“I’m already screwed over, Jo. Go home and sleep. Goodnight.”