Addressing Skepticism

     My most recent relationship status has caused quite a buzz. Mostly excited and supportive responses thankfully, but I know there are skeptics among you. I do not blame you for this as a reaction. From the outside looking in, I believe it is warranted. Therefore I decided to give a brief window into what it’s like from the inside looking out. Allow me to jump right in.
     Let me make something clear from the outset: we don’t “complete” each other; it’s insulting to the other person to claim that until now, me without him or him without me we were incomplete, unfinished and the only way to be complete is to invite each other into our lives in an intimate way. That’s silly. The idea of “soul mates” is far from a biblical concept – it’s a romantically pressured one perpetuated by society. To all you single guys and gals, I’m sorry – it’s an impossible standard to achieve, and one many believe in.
     While we don’t endorse the soul mate concept, we do have our ways of describing the rapid depth of our connection. So far the best (and still unworthy) explanation I’ve conjured up is that he and I have recognized pieces of our own souls in each other; we have discovered a divine similarity between us. Personally I think Joseph portrayed it best when he said, “We are almost analogous to male and female permutations of the same soul.”
     These claims have provided the vehicle for us to transcend time itself. This experience has been incomparably ethereal. Between meeting Joseph on the 4th of March and my day trip to Baltimore to see him about a week later felt like a lifetime. It has been three weeks since we met, and from then till now has also felt a lifetime long. We have compacted a larger span of time into a smaller temporal container. Time is, like many things, relative. Our three weeks are nowhere near the same as yours. We understand each other on a level that has never existed before due to its impossibility.
     We transcended time, and continue to. I have never thought so clear or felt my mind so broad and challenged by anything, let alone a single individual. It may seem as if we’ve hurried into things, but there has been absolutely no rush. From the outside looking in, the pace is breakneck, but that’s the nature of our organic timeline. It’s like in algebra – when you know all the rules of the equation you solve it quickly, almost automatically, especially compared to when you were first getting acquainted with how every variable fit together. We’ve learned the rules, and this is the product of our combined equations.
     When I was younger and beginning to grasp the gravity of finding God's best for me, I often asked my parents to describe how it felt for them to get to know each other, and when they decided that they wanted to be together forever. This is a common question with an indescribable answer, and the common clichéd and useless-at-the-time response is typically, “you just know. When you find the right person, you just know it,” or “you feel as if on top of the world!” Being the way that I am, this always frustrated me; I wanted a checklist, or a litmus test or something. Rules to rely on. This feeling of “just knowing” seemed improbable and impossible. What if I didn't realize it? What if I somehow missed it? It all became complicated and worrisome. I was incredibly skeptical of it.
     Until now.
     Now I understand completely what they meant. Because I feel it. The indescribable feeling is in me. I “just know.”
     And I am so achingly certain of it that I would stake my life on it.
     It’s insane, I know. But having previous romantic pursuits to compare to throws this in stark contrast when placed next to all the others. It has far surpassed even the wildest expectations I could imagine.
     Neither of us went to EPA intending to meet anyone in this way, and yet here we are. We were not searching, and yet we found. We are swaddled in God’s divinity, cradled in His palms, and I have never been so certain of something in my life. (Yes, it even rivals my certainty concerning my passions for creative writing.)
     I wrote in my post from 2013 “Infernal Love Triangle Devices” that I was confident when God brought my future husband into the picture, the man He had hand-selected for me, I would know it. To quote the post exactly, “…I’m very particular about the qualities and lifestyle choices of the man I will marry in the future. … I, someone who always tries to have the lowest of expectations, am expecting a lot of the man for me. This makes it very easy for me to believe that once I find him, it won’t be long before I know he’s the one. God knows what I’m looking for and what I need, so once I’ve recognized all that, it will be obvious.” Such confidence!
     I know my expectations, standards, and requirements were tricky for any one mortal to score high on altogether. But I had finally seriously entrusted the worry about my future husband to God, surrendering the last thread I was white-knuckling. It did not need to be my responsibility to hunt for this man. If I truly believed all things were possible, God would have me covered. Obedience and trust were the only things expected of me. So I relinquished my human need to control, folded my hands in my lap, and made peace about waiting patiently for God to move. I had done my part, and He would certainly do His.
     The fruits were almost instant. God is faithful, y’all. His promises are far from empty.
     Earlier in the week leading up to EPA I did a lot of praying and ultimately let go of this obsession with stepping in front of God and arranging my future as if I knew better than him. (I don’t deserve his unflinching forgiveness.) Then, mere days later, enter Lightning Boy (aka Joseph). Unbelievable.
     I’ve always been skeptical of “just knowing.” Now I truly understand. It’s the closest thing to enlightenment, to Heaven, on this side of death.

Prepare A Place

She found herself in a waiting room.

The pallid room had an ethereal feel to it, almost a dream-like quality. It was all so relaxing and peaceful; she closed her eyes and let the atmosphere take her in. Her sandaled foot bobbed absently to the beautiful orchestral music flowing from what she assumed was hidden speakers, since she didn’t see any, but she didn’t know. Frankly, she didn’t care. She hadn’t felt so tranquil in a long time and decided to revel in it as much as possible. It didn’t even give her a sense of complacency; it was pure, unaltered peace.

Somehow she knew she was waiting for something, but it didn’t make her anxious like waiting rooms usually did. Even the fact that she knew no more than that didn’t frighten her. She had nowhere to be. There was no rush to make it to work on time or get the grandkids to soccer before the game started.  Worry was completely unnecessary.

A man with an extremely pleasant and comforting face poked his head through an open door she hadn’t seen before.

“We’re ready for you, Jenny,” he rumbled languidly. Jenny had never heard a deeper, more cordial voice in her life. He smiled as she got up slowly and grabbed her hand to lead her down a long hallway. It seemed endless and yet she didn’t tire.

“Here you are, my dear,” he said finally, stopping to direct her into a very quaint, very lovely room. Jenny gasped at all the decorations, the bedspread, and the curtains. She quickly overlooked the fact that the only object in the room was the bed. Aside from that, there was nothing; not even a couple knick knacks on a table or some shoes strewn across the cream carpet. In fact, there wasn’t even a dresser.

“It’s perfect,” she breathed, running her hands over the cherry red down comforter. An amused chuckle emanated from behind her and it wrapped her up in a feeling of joy. She hadn’t the slightest idea who this man was and she didn’t care. He was treating her with such gentleness and kindness she almost felt she didn’t deserve it.

“I know,” he replied, stepping forward to take her wrinkled hand in his again. He led her to the side of the bed closest to the humungous window, pulled back the covers, and helped her into the bed with delicate, strong arms.

Jenny sighed blithely and sunk into the mattress with a giddy grin on her face.

“Why are you doing this for me?” she asked quietly. The man smiled and continued to gaze at her face much like a proud father to his daughter.

“Because I choose to,” he replied simply. “And I love you.”

“Who are you?”

This elicited another chuckle from him. He came closer and tucked the sheets around her tighter before speaking again in a soft whisper.

“I have many names, my dear, and my face is one not recognized. But none of that really matters. I love you more than you can fathom and you are my precious daughter. That is all that matters. Now you should rest, Jenny. Good night.”

He kissed her on the forehead and without so much as another thought, her eyelids were closed and she was gone.

-----------------------------

John 14:1-3
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.  My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

Why Do We Love?

I looked up at the sky tonight and gazed at the moon through a window of wispy gray clouds; it was just a small break, like a crack in time, and a curious thought hit me. I looked confusedly at the almost-full moon and wondered…

Why do we love?

Why do we throw ourselves out on the table and become five times more transparent just for a single soul? A single soul who we don’t know the thoughts of, who we can't know for sure what their motives are, who we can only rely on their words and actions to tell us the truth.

We just have to trust that what they say is true. Trust is the key to the locket of love. Without trust, love is utterly lost.

So again, why? Why do we pour our beings and thoughts and smiles and laughs into a soul who we can only hope trusts us as much as we trust them? And in turn loves us as much as they say?

For some, the reason varies; others just want companionship and the closeness that intimacy brings; others just want someone to always be paying them attention; and sometimes, someone just wants another kind soul to open up to.

But why do we do, still? We crave it, as humans; nearly all of us do. Kudos to those that God calls to be single for life, because I know I couldn’t do it.

So, we as humans are willing to risk everything, our memories, our feelings and emotions, and even our entire selves just to be loved by that one person in return. We invest ourselves so deeply in one relationship that when that dreaded time sometimes comes when the other pulls the plug, it’s like spiraling downwards from cloud nine as if you were a mere rain drop, a small tear to just be shed and brushed away by cold fingers. 

Everything you poured into them was ripped away and you feel like a jagged remainder of what you once were. Your edges are rough and sharp, your emotions and memories shatter you to pieces along with your heart and the mental pain hurts worse than any physical injury.

…why do we risk so much? Perhaps it is because of that tiny little voice in the back of your mind that says, don’t worry, you'll be alright; you're strong, you’re tough, and you will heal with time. It’s okay that sometimes when you fall, you’ve just got to catch yourself, no matter how scraped up your palms get or depths of the gashes in your knees. Then there comes that word again…trust. Trust in yourself, and God, and the people that surround you. Even though you know trusting in anything human is hard because they will always let you down, you continue to anyway because you know you don’t move very fast when you only trust yourself.

Is there really an answer, then? To why we love or why we trust? Not really. Is it just human nature, perhaps? Or a learned behavior? Or maybe something that we all happen to believe?

It’s just life. We love, we trust, we bestow upon each other our faith and hope, even with the preconceived and not entirely unbelievable notion that everything you poured into the individuals may very well have been wasted from the beginning.

Or perhaps, we do all those things because the Father has the grace to do them to us first?

Indescribable, Uncontainable; You Are Amazing God

Hey all,

I had some really good God moments over the past few days. And the past year, I should say. My eyes have been opened to a lot of stuff that is about the world and Godly and sometimes a mixture of both. He’s shown me things that I can’t explain, but some of the points that He’s revealed (and that I can, fortunately, explain) I feel like I should share with others. Let’s begin, shall we?

So first, I am propelled to think that there is somewhat of a cycle to this whole “wisdom” thing. These are my thoughts about it (with God’s help):
You gain wisdom through experiences and in speaking to others about the wisdom you gained, you give them knowledge of it. You help them through your own experiences (using the wisdom) so that they may not make the same mistake you did. You don’t give them wisdom; you give them knowledge through your wisdom. Or present them with the knowledge, free for them to take if they so choose.

Which is generally a good idea.

My next thoughts are about rules and regulations, laws and such that we are supposed to follow. Remember that hand book in school that you read that listed all those – what you thought – dumb rules that you felt like they forced you to follow? Yeah, those ones. The smallest rules and the biggest laws are similar in how they attempt to guide you. I feel like laws (like the Ten Commandments or any other rule you should – but are not forced – to follow) are like walls surrounding you. Imagine yourself totally surrounded by bleached white walls that are tall, but short enough for you to climb over if you wanted to. The walls are built for you protection and to keep outside things from getting in, like bad influences and things that could harm you in any way. However, the walls are like a strong suggestion for you not to get out, but you could jump them if you wanted.

I feel like some people think that rules are like a cage, locking you inside and forcing you to do things that you think you don’t want to do. I absolutely despise the phrase “rules are meant to be broken” because they are not made up for people to break them. That is far from the reason they are laid down in the first place. Rules, laws, regulations; any of those things are set for your safety and protection because (generally) wise people set them, using their wisdom to help you not make the same mistakes that they did. The rules are not preventing you from doing something fun or anything like that. On the other side of that wall (not chain link caging) is a field of endless barbed wire, not bright green, unbelievably luscious grass and rainbows.

If you think that, you're in for a big surprise.

In short summary, (if the above was so incredibly scatter-brained that you couldn’t follow along, I’m sorry) rules are made up for your safety, not to prevent you from doing anything fun. (You’re not missing out on anything being inside the walls.) Laws are like walls, not caging. We have the free will, the choice to stay inside the walls or climb over them. God asks us to stay inside the walls because He knows what’s best for us, but we - as fleshy, sinful humans – always want to know what we’re not allowed to do. Our flesh and curiosity gets us in trouble and it breaks His heart to see us scale the walls, but He’s always got His arms wide open if we choose to jump back over, bruised and scratched.

I am still attempting to grasp just how God loves us as much as He does and I know I’ll never fully understand it because if I did, I’d probably explode. It’s too much for us humans to handle, but I want to know more of how He can love such imperfect sinners so unconditionally. It’s so awesome to think that I have a Heavenly Father who will always, always take me back into His loving arms no matter how badly I’ve screwed up.

I love it.

Thoughts? Comments? And please, don’t hesitate to tell me if I’m out of line in anything I said. Don’t hesitate to point me back onto the right path; I stumble off it daily.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you (:
Have a blessed day!
~Vicki