Thoughts of a Bride-to-Be
Twenty-two days left. It doesn’t even feel real. Counting down to the one-month-left mark didn’t feel real, either, and then all of the sudden it’s 30 days until. That felt as real as getting the wind knocked out of me, and only because the pressure of things yet undone was finally crushing down. Once I had my intensely productive week while house-sitting at Mimi’s getting bookmarks done, gifts ordered, and letters written, that pressure eased significantly. And now we’re approaching the three-weeks-left mark. I think it’s this odd sense of calm consuming me that makes it surreal.The other things contributing to the surreality of it all are the fact that I just moved my dresser to Pentwood two days ago, the only piece of furniture going with me. I shared the realization of the moment with my girls in a group chat: “I'm here in Baltimore to see Joseph for a couple days, and on this trip I borrowed my family's truck and brought my dresser (sans clothes) since it is the only piece of furniture that will move with me, and we're trying to be smart about using these trips now to our advantage in order to cut down on the back and forth trips after the wedding. Everything else of mine will fit in boxes in my car. It is definitely surreal, because for the first time in my life I am moving without my family. When we packed up and went to Peru, it was all of us. When we got back and moved into our old house in VA, it was all of us. When we moved to Orange County, VA, it was all of us. And now, it is just me, the first child to officially move out. College was different because we all knew it was temporary, that I had a bedroom in my parents' house to come home to, but this is not. This is real. This is permanent. This is forever.”
Very, very much is about to change, and all at once. Whatever semblance of a routine I had while at my parents' house will be left behind, my understanding of the roads in my hometown deemed useless almost 100 miles away. All of my church family no longer easily accessed on a banter-filled Sunday. I will instantaneously go from seeing my parents and brother every day to seeing them during big holidays at the very least. In saying yes to marrying Joseph, I have simultaneously launched myself into an adventure where the only friend I will have at first is my husband, my understanding of the area is a shallow year of driving through it bee-lining for the highway, and a new job. New living arrangements (exclusively sharing a bed, bathroom, and general living space with someone else; contending for closet space; cooking dinner and lunches for the house), new people, a new town, a new church, new friends, and new routines.
The only thing remotely close to this sensation is moving to Peru - there I could add the fact that I had to learn a new language in a painfully practical sense, not just within the realm of a classroom, on top of the things just listed above. However, in those circumstances I was able to bring a team with me of people who knew me well - my family. Subtract that, and I can almost expect this move to be very much the same, although I really should give myself some credit. I have come a long way from the skittish, isolated, cynical girl I was back then. I am much more confident in myself as a young adult, and having the security of my husband to hold me, plus the promise of God to always have my best interest in mind, I will be well taken care of. I expect it to be a journey of undulating joys and frustrations; as of this very moment, I am much more excited than nervous, and with the love of my family as well as my husband-to-be backing me...bring it on!
