Showing posts with label self destruction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self destruction. Show all posts

Sunday, July 22, 2012

You Left Me; You Lost Me


You left me. You lost me.

I’m that childhood toy you used to worship and adore and take everywhere but now have fatally misplaced. Or you reached a state of boredom; you’ve worn me out so much all you can think to do is throw me away in all my ragged rawness. And so you are left with only memories, finding yourself often stuck in fond reverie, but that’s it. Memories, figments, files in your mind; I’m no longer around and I am no longer yours. 

You left me…so, you lost me.

You destroyed me.

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Something I wrote after I watched a particular scene in a movie (can't think of it at the moment - forgive my sluggish mind at nearly two in the morning). It moved me to write something. Words just began forming sentences in my head so I decided to tack them out before I lost them in the sometimes unreachable recesses of my mind. 
It is thus far still pretty raw, but whatever. I never said this blog would hold perfectly polished thoughts.

Night,
V

Monday, September 12, 2011

Do You Dare Dream a Dream of Me?


She stands tall, elegant and graceful in her black leotard at the very center of the floor. Music begins to play and she leaps and tumbles to the violent tempo, the notes seemingly tossing her about, as if in control. The audience in the bleachers doesn’t move, doesn’t blink, it doesn’t make even a sound. Perhaps that’s because they're lifeless dolls, mannequins that only begged to be freed from their inescapably plastic existences.

No one notices as red water slowly fills the room, coming up the girl’s ankles as she splashes through it, uncaring, or perhaps just utterly oblivious. 

The desperate cry of a baby booms like thunder through the place and the babe writhes on the lap of a still mannequin. There is no one there to calm it, or shush it, so it continues to wail for the relief that will never come.

The girl pays no mind and flips high into the air before landing on her knees. Her small body falls backwards into the water, now up to her waist, and she lies still for a breath or two. The music fades out like a dream when you awake and she stands, tall and elegant before the motionless audience. The baby continues to scream and fuss. 

No one notices.

The girl walks neatly off the blue performance floor and into the bathroom. She stops in front of the giant mirror and leans her elbows onto a counter made of liquid fire. Her skin blisters, cracks, and peels under the heat’s intensity, but she doesn’t cry out in pain even as the fire boils and sloughs the skin and muscle off her, leaving only bone. The water, up to her shoulders now, gives no mollification, no healing.

She sees that her face is crowded with innumerable white heads as she scrutinizes herself in the mirror. She poises two sharp nails by one, pinching it until it pops, revealing the shiny, pearl head of a pinning needle. Undistressed, she pulls the two inch needle from her face and examines it like a foreign object. Blood begins to drip down from the hole it left. Again and again, she pops the needles from her head and lets them fall down into the flaming liquid until not a trace of them remains. She’s weeping blood now.

The water is way beyond her head, but all the same, she walks back out to the performance floor and finds the bleachers empty, all but for the skeleton of a small infant. 

Where have they gone, she wonders, as her gaze pulls down to her chest to reveal a gaping crater of missing muscle and skin. Five left ribs are snapped off, leaving splintered edges, and a number of unattached arteries hang down like bloody threads over her stomach. 

And where, she wonders, is my heart?